Have YOU got what it takes to join the National Aeronautics Space Thingy Yodelayheehoo (NASTY)?
If YOU have an IQ below 80, then YOU could be an ideal fit for us!
Do YOU want to be the first person on Mars with a Mars Bars?! Are YOU ready to be the next Neil Young!? Then join us… TODAY! 🚀
How to Join the NASTY Space Program
Do YOU want to go into space? We’re looking for below average intelligence recruits to become astronauts for our ill-advised space missions!
We need 100 astronauts to act as expendable cannon fodder as we plunge the depths of space on the lookout for Morbo from Futurama and space babes.
The ideal candidates will have the following:
- Nothing noteworthy from their educational achievements.
- A long and arduous history of petty crimes.
- A long and arduous history of drug addiction (preferred, but not mandatory).
- Basic understandings of what space is and does.
- Basic understanding of the difference between a vacuum and vacuum cleaner.
- The ability to understand Star Wars isn’t real.
If that sounds like YOU, send us YOUR CV/résumé with a cover letter explaining why YOU don’t mind having YOUR brains sucked from YOUR skull by a slobbering space giraffe.
Please note, due to the high number of applications, we regret to inform candidates we can only respond to those we consider to be truly worthless and of no loss to the human race.
NASTY’s Launch Schedule
NASTY has a busy schedule. We plan to have explored the outer regions of Lancashire by 2022, have discovered Bolton by 2023, and be landing on Jupiter by 2024.
Here, in part, is our planned schedule for the immediate years ahead:
- Lancashire: The plan is to land somewhere near to Wigan so we can all have a hearty lunch of a Wigan Kebab. Scheduled for 2022.
- Bolton: Land in the centre of Bolton so we can then go and get some quality fish & chips. Scheduled for 2023.
- Jupiter: Our ambitious Jupiter program will see us land on Jupiter in time for spring 2024, so we can then take some pictures and return to Lancashire in time for summer 2024 and a bacon butty.
- The Sun: Get your suntan lotion ready! We’re going to the Sun for 2026 with two goals! To see if it’s as hot as NASA claims. And to meet some hot space babes for serious space nooky! Then we’ll return home for some cheese on toast.
- Galaxy hopping: In 2027 we’ll be touring through several galaxies, starting with Wolf-Lundmark-Melotte before moving onto any that have a kind of Lancashire twang to them. We’ll then return home for butter pies.
- Edge of the Universe: The ultimate mission. Launching in 2029, we’re going right to the edge of EVERYTHING to see what’s out there (hopefully space babes and Morbo)! Can you handle a potential transmundane metaphysical reality!? Either way, we’ll find out then head back to Lancashire for sausage rolls.
Join us on our journey! Send in your application today and YOU could be watching aliens devour YOUR innards before the century is out!
Disclaimer: NASTY is funded by conspiracy theorists, general whackjobs, and far-right lunatics. To support out intergalactic goals, please send all proceeds to: NASTY, 1 Nasty Street, Bolton, Greater Manchester, United Kingdom (the greatest planet in the world).
Um…. that edge of the universe trip. What happens if the universe turns out to be like a moebius strip and you end up back where you started, only to discover Earth has been taken over in the interim by slobbering space aliens? Asking for a friend.
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If that happens then you’ll just be back in Lancashire faster, thusly ensuring you can indulge in beans on toast. It’s a win-win situation.