Invention: UnderSwear (the world’s first CUSSING underpants)

UnderSwear the world's first swearing underpants
They cuss you out, yo!

Underpants are very important in life. And so is swearing! So, what better combination of fashion product than underpants with insults!?

That’s where UnderSwear comes in, the world’s first obscene smart underwear custom built to spout petty insults and childish jibes! You know you want a pair!

Also, please refer to our 10 new swear words guide to consider using new swear words in your day-to-day life.

UnderSwear: Where Wearing Underwear Makes You Give a Damn

UnderSwear was developed by our highly trained team of underpants experts.

We have the combined underpants wearing experience of 364 years and can swear like troopers when we need to as well!

And that’s why, with UnderSwear, you’ll have underpants that yell childish insults as and when they feel like it!

For only £100 ($300), you can buy your pair of UnderSwear and flaunt it around town whilst your underpants roar out immature coprolalia such as:

  • I know you are, you said you are, but what am I?!
  • If you like it so much, why don’t you marry it?!
  • You are not invited to my birthday party!
  • You look nice… NOT!
  • Swot!
  • Teacher’s pet!
  • Scaredy-cat!
  • Talk to the hand because the face ain’t listening!
  • LALALALA… can’t hear you!
  • You’re a pillock!
  • Your mother buys you Go-Bots instead of Transformers!
  • You’re a big stupid doo-doo head!
  • I’m going to get my daddy to beat you up!
  • Nincompoop!
  • Stupid, woopid!
  • Smelly!
  • Dumb dumb!
  • See you later, alligator!
  • Na, na, na, na, na, na!
  • Stupid features!

The underpants will be updated periodically with new mortifying insults and these will be downloaded directly to the UnderSwear.

As such, you can look forward to an ever-evolving array of immaturity on any given day.

However, please remember that if you live in Salford Quays of Manchester, swearing is banned. This means you must not wear the underpants in the region.

Indulge in Knock-a-Door-Run (ding, dong, ditch)

UnderSwear is pre-programmed to encourage you to participate in childish antics. Primarily knock, knock, ginger.

The underpants will inform you at random intervals during the day to be immature and foolish.

When it does, find your nearest door, knock on it, then leg it in a gleeful panic.

If you’re in the UK, do remember that if you indulge in this activity you may face prosecution under the Town Police Clauses Act 1847 for trespassing and:

“Wilfully and wantonly [disturbing] any inhabitant, by pulling or ringing any door bell, or knocking at any door.”

This can result in 14 days of imprisonment for antisocial behaviour. UnderSwear waives all legal responsibility for this outcome.

However, should you become incarcerated do remember to wear your swearing underpants to ingratiate yourself into the harsh world of prison life.

Nothing will fend off murderers and lunatics better than UnderSwear dropping lines such as, “I’m going to get my daddy to beat you up!”


  1. Unfortunately after 2 years of lock downs, etc. & now with the war and all, I can’t afford this luxury.
    However, I do wera under pants, and I swear all the time.I know this is the old analog way,but I’ll just have to make do, for now.
    PS… you forgot Princox

    Liked by 1 person

Dispense with some gibberish!

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