Spot of tea whilst distinguishing a nuclear explosion, anyone?
As that is what one beholds upon arrival at the resplendent haut monde establishment pertaining to Tabitha’s Tea Shop & Atom Bomb Test Site.
Indeed, we have the finest tea in this fair land! And atom bombs. Many, many atom bombs. Kaboom! It is a blast.
Thus, we add FREE cucumber sandwiches into the bargain. Jolly good show!
Tea and Radiation Make For a Spiffing Cuppa
Sects of the riffraff have indicated this establishment is of a disadvantageous well-being for those in attendance. Poppycock!
What absolute pessimism from jealous swines!
They are just JEALOUS of our success! I, Tabitha, am so successful I hath employed a butler. Here he is, going as he does by the name of Zombie Jeeves.
“What ho, customers! Do not be alarmed! I may have putrefied flesh hanging from my body, but that is merely due to protracted exposure to extreme radiation. How am I still alive? Good question! I put it down to the excellence of the tea available at Tabitha’s Tea Shop and Atom Bomb Test Site! Nothing fends off the onslaught of severe radiation sickness like a spot of tea. Tally, bally ho!”
Rather! Now, here are several stipulations to contemplate before accommodating the notation of attendance at this glorious establishment:
- You MUST NOT be fiscally challenged
- You must have your own butler
- This butler must be called Jeeves
- You MUST know what saffron is and have it in abundance in your humble abode (for which you shall need to provide photographic, or pictographic, evidence)
- Hazmat suits—you must be in the possession of one
Understood? Rather! That is an appropriate development. Now, about those atom bombs.
The Atom Bomb Test Site
Patrons at Tabitha’s Tea Shop & Atom Bomb Test Site are required to don a full hazmat suit before attending the premises.
The patron’s butler may also wish to wear a hazmat suit, if the patron so desires (this entirely depends upon one’s ethical standing on the expendability of butlers called Jeeves).
Once one is ensconced in the establishment and one commences sipping delightedly at a beverage of one’s choice… this happens.
Nuclear detonations occur once every other half day, so one shall need to time one’s visit based on the timetable of the The Atomic Weapons Establishment (AWE) here in Blighty.
Do note, if one is wearing an elegant wool blend cloche bucket hat over one’s hazmat suit, this clothing item may be blasted off one’s bonce and into the surrounding foliage.
One can request one’s butler, Zombie Jeeves, to fetch the cloche bucket hat. If this item is of considerable desirability for one.
Do note, in the days, weeks, months, and years after one’s visit to Tabitha’s Tea Shop & Atom Bomb Test Site, one may experience the following:
- Severe stomach cramps
- Intense nausea
- Skin peeling from one’s body
- Internal organs decomposing from within
- General unpleasantness
- A cessation on your living status
Rest assured, in the event of any of these developments one is not entitled to one’s money back. We maintain a no money back guarantee.
One’s establishment located just off the M1 near Sheffield, so tootle on over if one desires a lovely cuppa to the backdrop of horrific nuclear fallout. Tally, bally ho!