Human males are such heinous, unkempt freaks of nature. When not walking about with their disgusting big man feet, their faces are sprouting hair!
Even worse is when it comes to shaving that stuff off, which they have to do often (unless they want to grow a great big beard).
Well, today’s human female has had enough. She wants action! And she’s setting out to challenge this most appalling of crimes.
Men and the Bathroom Sink Stubble Conundrum
Dear Agony Aunt. My bastard husband is such a SOB! Time and time and time again I've warned him, "Honey? After you've shaved, please clear the stubble out of the sink." And he goes, "Yeah, sure doll face, whatever." And then I come to the sink later and it's like someone has VOMITED stubble all over the thing! What is this!? Why can't he take a goddamn basic instruction?! It's like with that goddamn toilet seat he leaves up all the time. Sharing a bathroom with a man is like sharing a STY with a PIG. And not a nice pig, either, just a gross obnoxious pig with ego issues. So since my husband isn't listening to me, I decided to do some research. So I watched that Nic Cage/John Travolta movie from 1997. Not Con Air. The other one. Face/Off. You know, where they take Nic Cage's face off and stick it onto John Travolta's body. I figured, "That seems plausible!" And so I booked a black market plastic surgeon to do that operation. You guessed it! I chloroformed my husband and had the Face/Off operation! Hah! This is how it's gone down: - His face was taken from his head and put on my face. - My face was taken from my head and put onto his face. Quite the couple, huh? And I did it SPECIFICALLY to prove that once the stubble kicks in and I shaved, all you have to do is clean the bloody sink! AND I DID JUST THAT. AND I MADE MY HUSBAND WATCH! Sweet revenge. Sweet justice! I'm happy to report he stood there blubbing helplessly like a little girl as I let the tap run and washed every final bit of stubble away. Granted, his face has gone all bloated and infected. I've never seen myself looking quite so awful, I must admit. I'm not even sure I want that thing back after what he's done to it. Men... they ruin everything, you know? But at least I was able to prove my point and my point is ALWAYS CLEAN STUBBLE OUT OF THE GODDAMN SINK! And that's why I've written to you, agony aunt, to show the women of the world that THIS is the way to respond to your husband and boyfriend leaving the GROTESQUE GUNK over your lovely shiny bathroom sink. All you need is some chloroform, a black market surgeon, and £50,000. With that, all your stubble sink-based woes are over. Yours, Esther
Hi Esther. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Although there aren’t any specific laws relating to this we could find, we’re pretty sure what you’ve done there is illegal.
Also, how do you intend to tell your friends and family about what’s happened? We mean… when you meet them, they’re probably going to notice something is amiss.
You may want to put bags over your heads.
Erm… well, whilst we can’t condone what you’ve done, congratulations all the same on sorting the matter out. A tremendous show of independence!
And for any of our readers appalled by the developments listed above, let’s end on a happy as Larry facial hair pun to lighten the mood:
“What happens when a cow stops shaving? It grows a moostache!”