Toilets and the Tyrannosaurus Rex go hand in hand. Anyone who’s seen the lawyer’s death scene in Jurassic Park knows that.
Modern historians even believe the T. Rex is responsible for inventing the toilet! That’s only for the six-mile-wide asteroid Chicxulub impact event to go and wipe (aptly—scatological humour, eh!) away all the evidence.
Here at Tony’s Tyrannical Toilets Ltd., we want to celebrate that unique history. That’s why our toilets are infused with the history of the T. Rex (the dinosaur, not the ’70s glam rock band).
The Tyrannosaurus Rex Toilet Range!
T. Rex toilets—fun for the whole family! That’s what we want.
That’s why with every toilet you purchase from Tony’s, you’ll get a life-size 12 feet tall, 40 feet long animatronic T. Rex to go with your purchase!
Even the most constipated household member won’t struggle with their daily toiletry needs when they’ve got that thing staring them down in the bathroom!
You’ll need to position the enormous beast outside your home, right next to a window so it’s voyeuristically gazing in at you. Periodically, the contraption will roar encouragingly at you to get on with it. Like this!
The T. Rex comes with a five-year guarantee and can be returned to Tony’s Tyrannical Toilets Ltd. for repairs.
That’s in the invent it falls into disrepair, is vandalised, or is savaged mercilessly by an animatronic Spinosaurus from our rival business Steve’s Spinosaurus Shitters Ltd.
Rest assured, we’ll have your Tyrannosaurus Rex shipshape before you can haplessly foul your pants again!
Tony’s T. Rex Toilet Features
Added into the bargain is a smart toilet that’s customised to meet your T. Rex-based needs. We have three ranges:
- Standard: T. Rex and a toilet. Does exactly what it says on the size of the giant, slobbering, monstrous 12 foot tall scaly lizard.
- Premium: T. Rex and a toilet. Plus, a YEAR’S SUPPLY of free dinosaur patterned bog roll!
- Ultra-Premium: As with #2, but a personalised butler called Jeeves is thrown into the deal. Jeeves is a fully qualified engineer who can repair your animatronic T. Rex should it malfunction, go rogue, and slaughter many of your neighbours.
The toilet will also bleat out sporadic, hyper-realistic dinosaur noises from the likes of velociraptors. And it comes with a free app!
Download it on the day of purchase and you can keep a toilet-based diary, documenting your thoughts and feelings about using the toilet while a life-like T. Rex stares remorselessly at you from outside your property.
Snap a selfie! Pull a sad face! Tweet to the whole nation!
Your toilet-based routine will never be the same again at Tony’s Tyrannical Toilets Ltd., primarily as the £50,000 asking price will destroy your budget and leave 99% of customers homeless and destitute!