Meh. The three words that’ll crumble any organic relationship. The other one being, “You’ve clogged the toilet again?!”

Asides from toilets, “meh” is the type of effluence you’d expect an apathetic sofboi of a guy to leer out of his entitled gob.

If you wish to date someone like this, here’s the official guide on how to handle the many “meh”s and their consequences.

When a Meh Loves a Woman

Dear agony aunt. My husband is an annoying wanker in general. Really, it'd have been handy to realise that before I married the bastard.

We've been married 10 years now. 10 long years.

His latest habit that's driving me up the wall is he keeps going, "Meh..." at everything. I'll say something like, "We need new wallpaper for the living room, Charles." And he'll just shrug and go, "Meh..."

Or it's, "It's time we had a second child, Charles, young Tommy is lonely and his habit of destroying our furniture is a clear sign of that." And Charles just goes, "Meh..."

Last week I asked him to take the bins out. "Meh...". Next day I told him to stop playing on his computer games. "Meh...". Next day it was to stop scratching at his groin. Actually, he just went, "Shut up, for Christ's sake!" with that one. We've not said a word to each other since.

At first I thought he might be suffering from manic depression because he's been so apathetic. But manic depressive people do stuff like staring wistfully out of windows while whistling the blues. And he's not done anything like that. So I just realised he's an annoying tosser with a sense of entitlement. All he does is drink beer, watch football, scratch himself and openly gawp at women he fancies. When I tell him off he just goes "Meh...".

This is NOT the married life I was promised by Cosmopolitan magazine! Where is my manly hunk who'd buy a bouquet of roses and take me on holiday to Paris!? The man who'd hurl himself before a rampaging tiger to ensure I didn't get a scratch on me!? Who'd throw his jacket over a puddle to ensure my favourite high heels remained unbesmirched?!

Yet all I've got is 38 year old Charles. Beer gut. Balding. His concept of grand romantic gestures being to grunt or belch instead of going "Meh..." 

What should I do? Yours, Claudia

Hi there, Claudia. When a man goes like this it’s time to look at yourself hard in a mirror and ask yourself, “Is it time for breast augmentation?!”

If that’s not the route you wish to take, then yeah… probably best to divorce him to be honest. He sounds like a bit of a dickhead.

Truth be told on the “meh” matter, ongoing scientific studies do consider it to be a potential medical illness. If this is the case, it’ll go by the name of mehingitis and medical treatments will include:

• Electroshock therapy
• Experimental brain transplants
• Specialised diets consisting of salt and aspic

However, research is many years off fruition. In the meantime, you’ll either have to start appealing to his sense of entitlement. Or dump the bastard.