There’s normal soap. There’s abnormal soap. Then there’s Concrete Soap. It’s guaranteed to scrape all the flesh from your body in one unnecessarily aggressive body scrubbing.
BUY CONCRETE SOAP
Concrete Soap is the best soap. Because it:
- CRUSHES ALL KNOWN GERMS TO DEATH!
- SHREDS BACTERIA LIMB FROM LIMB!
- MURDERS OILY SKIN IN A FLASH!
- Leaves a pleasant minty fresh smell.
- PULVERISES ANYTHING IT COMES NEAR!
Simply clamber into a bath (or shower) and scrub at your body with your block of £10 ($30) concrete soap. You will note:
- Feelings of extreme pain.
- The skin shredding off your body.
- Blood spurting everywhere.
- A general sense of growing panic.
- Collapse due to blood loss
- Probable hospitalisation.
Once you’re done with your latest block of concrete soap, you can also add it to a nearby brick wall you can steadily build over days, weeks, months, years, decades, and centuries.
Beauty Tips With CONCRETE SOAP
Need some on-the-go beauty tips to keep the guys or gals drooling over you? Concrete Soap has got you covered!
Here are the basics to get your day started:
- Spot blot your foundation with CONCRETE SOAP.
- Change your concealer application with CONCRETE SOAP.
- Twirl your powder brush with CONCRETE SOAP.
- Line your upper lashes with CONCRETE SOAP.
- Perform a facial massage with CONCRETE SOAP.
Once you’re drenched in blood and skin flakes from that aesthetically enhancing treatment, head out into society. Quickly. As fast as you can! Because collapse due to exsanguination is only 30 minutes away.
Never Leave Your Home Without a Bar of CONCRETE SOAP
Concrete Soap comes in four types:
- Cement soap: This dissolves rapidly in water and has little effect on personal hygiene.
- Concrete soap: Our traditional product responsible for at least 30 deaths.
- Concrete soap bombs: Simply chuck into a nice hot bath and watch it explode with the magnitude of 0.0003 nuclear warheads.
- Concrete soap enriched with shea butter: For the sophisticated toff with too much more money than sense (each bar costs £150—$300).
NEVER leave your property without a bar of concrete soap. Scrub it over your face whenever you need a wash.
Or smash it over the head of any vagabond who dares to accost you.
CONCRETE SOAP—it’s concrete evidence the best soap available in the world is, unquestionably, concrete soap.
Written by a true copywriter. The concrete evidence is just brilliant. I would buy a concrete soap bomb just for the concrete evidence alone.
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Excellent, another brainwashed consumer! AHAHAHAHA! Go forth and buy endless blocks of concrete soap!