Agony Aunt: “My husband keeps droning on about ale (beer)!”

A boring man droning on and on about ale in a conversation

There reaches a stage in a certain human male’s life where ale becomes the most important thing in the world. This leads to the aforementioned human male talking incessantly about ale and its, alleged, perfections.

Sadly, this type of conversation may leave a human female bored (and angry).

As such, today’s individual has written in to vent her sense of growing rage regarding her husband’s staggeringly dull conversation.

Be Beer Enough to Start a Conversation That Matters

Ale. Know what that is? Well, it's destroying my life is what it's doing. No, I'm not a raging alcoholic, I'm just FED UP of my husband droning on and on and on about ale in conversation. 

It's so boring! 

But it's all he ever talks about! Morning, noon and night he yammers away and I really just have to say I find ale so very, very boring and why do I have to listen to him? I know he's my husband but I when I married him 10 years ago I didn't realise he was going to turn into such a pedantic bore. 

This is all started because I bought him a Real Ale book as a last-minute birthday present. Tragically, that book's turned him into an ale infatuated freak of nature. Ale, ale, ale... quotes from that book day in, day out:

"Did you know, ale was most likely invented in the Middle East thousands of years ago, Veronica?! Isn't that fascinating?"

"No! No it is not, David!"

"And look at this! Humans consume some fifty billions gallons of beer each year! I bet that'd result in a nasty hangover! Haha!"

"Shut up about ale, dickhead!"

My husband chooses to ignore my barbed insults, though, possibly because he's quite out of it on ale a lot of the time. He reads about the stuff, imbibes the stuff and belches the stuff out of increasingly flabby face. He educates my daily on the differences between ale, beer and lager. All while I just sit there giving him the evils with a face like thunder.

Ale is for assholes. 

That's my mantra now. How do I make this barbarian behave in a way that isn't so brutish and rude? Yours, Veronica

Hi there, Veronica. Did you know ale was, traditionally, categorised by the type of yeast applied to the concoction during its fermentation process?

Real ale is also served without using extraneous carbon dioxide.

Those were but two of the many, many fascinating facts we found out about ale whilst contemplating our response to your petty whining. We feel you should respect your husband’s desire to prattle on endlessly about a topic you find dull and inane.

Better he’s talking about ale than, say, hardcore drugs and heroin addiction, Veronica. You don’t want a Requiem for a Dream type scenario on your hands. David isn’t going to be injecting ale into his veins with rusty old needles, is he?

No, worst thing you’ve got to deal with is a beer belly, beer breath, and the occasional beer belch from his bloated face.

We think your best course of action here is to shut your face, lady! Be grateful for the lesser of two evils. Bottoms up!


Dispense with some gibberish!

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