Novelty Slippers at Work Employment Law Guide

The horror of novelty slippers at work

The likes of flip-flops at work continue to cause widespread consternation, and debate, in the working environment.

And the same can be said of novelty slippers (as opposed to slippers at work, which is a major distinction).

Whether the design is cutesy bunny rabbits or giant fluffy monster feet, these slippers can cause widespread productivity losses in any working environment. Here is the law to assist your business with stamping out comfy footwear.

The Employment Law Regarding Novelty Slippers (i.e. cheerful cute bunny rabbits etc.)

This matter is legislated by The Novelty Slippers at Work Act 1974. In its 11,000 page length, the Act delineates on the nature of your employees and their use of slippers (the novelty variety).

Section 37 (a) on page 3,456 states:

“Novelty slippers, such as those of white bunny rabbits with pointy up ears that maintain an almost too-cute-for-comfort appeal, are of considerable concern for any business owner. The slippers will often cause colleagues to stop their daily duties to discuss the aforementioned slippers and waste precious company time.

Time that could have been spent, for example, mindlessly commuting for many more hours for no real reason. Or while sitting through tedious meetings trying not to pass out through sheer boredom.

Novelty slippers threaten this established, and righteous, pattern of work. As such, it is pertinent you address this hazard with a Novelty Slippers Policy you must enforce with the type of violent brutality to make Vlad the Impaler proud (and maybe even a little jealous).”

Some business owners take the above extract of The Novelty Slippers at Work Act 1974 quite literally. There have been recorded instances of employees being impaled on spikes due to wearing novelty fluffy monster slippers at work.

It’s important to note you should not channel Vlad the Impaler too literally. Impaling employees on giant spikes would breach your employment contracts (as it is murder).

Instead, simply maintain an anti-novelty slippers policy.

Employees may whine about not being able to walk about the office in a pair of fluffy pink bunny slippers, but remind them you’re paying their salary and you could IMPALE them on a spike at any second if you so wish!

Determining What Constitutes Novelty Slippers in the Workplace

Slippers are comfortable slip-on shoes human beings, typically, wear indoors. However, there are many types of slippers and not all of them are equal.

Here are the types of slippers your employees may wear at work:

  • Classic slip-ons.
  • Mule slippers.
  • Clog slippers.
  • Toe-post slippers.
  • Novelty slippers.

Most slippers are fairly innocuous for a working environment (unless staff work in a sewer), but novelty slippers are, arguably, the most toxic and poisonous type of footwear for any business to have to endure.

Civilisations have fallen in the name of fluffy bunny rabbit slippers with a, kind of, twee grin on each slipper bunny rabbit face with a nauseating cute overload the likes of which are akin to Hell on Earth.

As such, determine any novelty slipper as anything that invokes feelings of:

  • Swooning in cutesy wonder.
  • Fluffiness overload.
  • Immaturity.

The harsh reality is, novelty slippers are repugnant and will simply cause your employees to abandon their duties in the name of maintaining warm tootsies.

How to Tell When Your Business Has a Novelty Slipper Problem

Despite your best intentions, you may find employees rebel against your novelty slipper policy. This can lead to an abundance of this type of slipper in, for example, busy office environments.

In 2022, it was reported there were 23,000 instances of shattered pelvises and broken legs due to trips and falls over novelty slippers left in office environments.

Signs that your business has a novelty slipper problem include:

  • Employees wearing nothing but novelty slippers all day, everyday.
  • Employees suffering from shattered pelvises and/or broken legs.
  • Cooing and swooning noises at the delightful cuteness of the many, and varied, novelty slippers in your working environment.
  • No work getting done.
  • Plunging profits.
  • Bankruptcy.

Bankruptcy at work by novelty slipper wearing employees is one of the worst of all fates for any ambitious business owner.

As such, enforce your anti-novelty slipper policy vigorously.

Keep some spikes around your property as a reminder of the (potential) fate awaiting any member of staff who turns up in anything other than formal footwear.

Worst case scenario? Take a swig from the Vlad the Impaler despot cup. First, IMPALE the novelty slippers on the spikes as a warning to those who fail to heed your tyrannical stance against cute, fluffy slippers.

The sight of some bunny rabbit slip-ons impaled violently onto a wooden spike should be enough to instil terror into even the most confident footwear wearing professional. But if the novelty slippers continue?! The spikes are calling out for mortal flesh, business owner!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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