There comes a time in any relationship when the human male’s lack of a carrying implement (i.e. “bag”) leads to his need to force his stuff onto the human female.

Thus, a human female in any long-term relationship is likely to end up as a full-time porter for their boyfriend/husband. Every bit as annoying as having to clean your male’s skidmark dilemma, eh?

But should women accept this brutal fate? Or should they FIGHT BACK against the system and make geezers buy man bags!? Let’s find out!

When a Man Forces His Woman to Carry His Shopping Due to a Lack of Man Bag

Dear agony aunt. My boyfriend of three months is doing something that's really starting to make me want to punch his lights out. What it is, right, is we'll be out shopping. He'll buy knickknacks, like a fizzy drink and some food and a magazine. But he has no man bag, so it's MUGGINS HERE who ends up having to carry his stuff in MY BAG.

This is very annoying. Specially if the stuff starts mounting up. I say to him, "You need a man bag!" He says back, "What?! Babe, I'm not gay I'm not going down that route."

He thinks it's not MANLY to have a man bag. 

This paints a disturbing future for me with this man. In 40 years time, can you imagine? If we're married. I'm there carrying his spare teeth and Sanatogen tablets in my beautiful bag that should be for MY STUFF and not his useless bollocks. Decades stretching ahead of having to be polite and lug his crap around. All because he's a smug prick!

The very thought of that brings me out in a cold sweat at night.

He's blissfully ignorant to all of it. He goes about, swaggering around, handing me whatever he shoplifts from the local supermarket. That's right, he has a minor kleptomania problem and so he takes the stuff and makes me put it into my bag. Then, yes, the security guards often spot that and I get the flack for it.

Yesterday, he made be put three packets of chocolate bourbon biscuits into my lovely designer handbag. To keep him from making a scene, I have to do it (he gets really upset if I don't and starts sulking). Then the security guard comes up, "Madam, can you show me the contents of your handbag, please?" I said back to him, "It's a designer handbag, mister!" Then he said, "Okay, madam, can you show me contents of your designer handbag?" And so I showed him. "Madam, this appears to be packed out with all of your boyfriend's useless crap." And I was all, like, "I KNOW, RIGHT?!" So the security guard sympathises with me for that, but then called the cops on us for shoplifting. Bit of a bittersweet moment really. They took the biscuits back, too.

Later, I talked to some of my besties and they say THEIR BOYFRIENDS ALL DO THE SAME MAN BAG DENIAL THING. What is wrong with these guys!?

This CANNOT go on. What should I do? Yours, Claudia

Hi there, Claudia. We can see how this may be annoying for you, however you must appreciate the peril a man faces if he uses a man bag.

Social stigma is so strong against man bag users, it can lead to them becoming social outcasts; ostracised from civilized society due to needing to resort to an effeminate man bag (as opposed to just lugging stuff around with his mighty man muscles).

For you, it’s a minor nuisance having to carry his things.

For him, if he gets a man bag it’ll effectively be the end of his entire life. He’d have to go into hiding soon after as outraged locals chase him with pikes and spades out of the local community.

And sure, his man bag would come in handy when he’s out living in the wilderness. He could use it to carry game around in and sticks/flint for making fires at night.

But what good is this man to you now if he’s no longer accepted by society? You’d have to dump his ass, date someone else, but then you have the same man bag dilemma to deal with into perpetuity.

The message is pretty clear, Claudia.

STOP WHINGING and ACCEPT YOUR FATE. It’s just a few things, you know? If you have to carry a copy of FourFourTwo football magazine around town for 45 minutes to stop him from being beaten to death, it’s an acceptable compromise.