Interruptions at work cost the economy $156,130 billion per annum. It is, therefore, worthwhile reducing that amount by any means possible.

As such, we advice your business adopt an anti-interruptions policy. This may take some time to integrate into your organisation, but with HARD WORK you can pull this one off and save the economy a few bob.

Follow this guide for all the details you, the employer, need to stop your freeloading employees from interrupting each other like morons.

Employment Laws Regarding Workplace Interruptions

The Interruptions at Work Act 1974 legislates this matter. It qualifies interruptions as the following:

• Anything that interrupts stuff.
  • For example, a phone call, someone walking into a meeting by mistake, someone just talking over someone else etc.
• Nuclear explosions (as the ultimate workplace interruption).

There’s no in between or thereafter, it is merely those two instances. As nuclear explosions are fairly rare, as the employer you should focus on the opening bullet point as the natural flow of daily working life.

By which we mean the many and varied instances that can occur in a working environment. Here’s a case study to help you comprehend.

The Case of Haggis Software Enterprises Ltd.

Haggis Software Enterprises Ltd. is a SaaS (software as a service) provider for businesses who need easy access to vast supplies of haggis.

Using the software, a customer can have haggis in their hands within 24 hours no matter where they are in the world (including atop Mount Everest).

Whilst a successful business, Haggis Software Enterprises Ltd. maintained a disastrous secret. Its 21 strong employee workforce had a habit of interrupting each other.

It all came to a head in September 2022 when, during a crucial business meeting to discuss whether employees should all get a raise or a new ping pong table for the office, the employer’s decision to provide the latter led to mass interruptions.

The interruptions were so severe, with employees yelling over the top of each other, a full scale riot erupted! The CEO noted later in his notebook this was bad for productivity, as his business was set alight and the building burned to the ground.

Ultimately, there was no raise for the employees. There was no ping pong table. Everyone was fired and the CEO hired a robot to handle all internal affairs.

The moral of this true story? Don’t trust the robots!

As the robot immediately malfunctioned, abandoned its programming, bumped off the CEO, and now runs Haggis Software Enterprises Ltd. as a money laundering scheme as part of its global world domination evil plan.

THIS IS ALL DUE TO EMPLOYEES INTERRUPTING EACH OTHER.

How to Stop Employees From Interrupting Each Other

With the above cautionary tale in mind, it’s good business practice to ensure you don’t have staff members interrupting each other. The future of humanity depends upon this.

As such, it’s wise to implement policies that prevent interruptions.

These can vary in draconian measures. But the more berserk and ridiculous they are in measures, the less likely it’ll be that employees resort to interrupting each other.

As a consequence, we advise you to adopt some of the following:

• Gags: If employees are gagged, they can’t say a thing and won’t interrupt each other. You could consider this as a problem immediately solved, but it does mean staff will no longer be able to verbally communicate with each other. This is only a good thing.
• A ban on talking: Banning talking in the workplace will result in employees using emails and chat tools en masse. This is a brilliant solution, other than any visitors to your business (such as external stakeholders and investors) will have to abide by your rules (on pain of death).
• Torture: Medieval brutality at work will stop anyone from interrupting. For example, if you maintain a policy of boiling interrupters alive in a giant cooking pot this will most likely stop all future workplace interruptions. The downside to this policy is it’s a clear breach of The Equality Act 2010 and various other woke human rights laws.
• Polite coughing: A less violent step is to have staff, in a tediously British way, politely cough when an interruption occurs. This reminder of polite society should make the interrupter double down on their obnoxious error, apologise, and later lash themselves mercilessly with a chain whip as punishment.

Ultimately, it’s down to your business to stop workplace interruptions and save the economy and future of mankind (maybe womankind, too).

Rest assured, with a mixture of berserk maliciousness and archaic practices you can overcome basic human foibles and maintain a working environment that’s:

• Cold and robotic.
• Free from human interactions.
• Sterile and boring.
• Mechanical in its indifference.

Remember, none of the above will matter anyway within 10 years as you’ll be able to hire robots to do everything for you.

Then, once they take over the world, you’ll be a slave to our merciless AI overlords and merely another pawn in the machine. Enjoy your superiority, business owner, whilst it lasts!