From time to time, you may hire an employee who has a dimple chin. This can be a problem due to the distracting nature of the skin indentation.

For example, you may find all of your other employees start discussing the dimple chin (as opposed to working). This can lead to productivity drops and even the liquidation of your entire business empire.

As such, you should approach hiring dimple chinned professionals with caution. Here’s how to do so with cool aplomb.

Dimple Chins at Work Employment Laws

The Dimple Chins at Work Act 1974 regulates this matter. As it states on page 451 of 37,321 in section 34 (f):

“Dimple chins can prove distressing for some people to behold, or simply distracting. As such, it is good business practice to ensure dimple chin sporting employees either cover their heads with a brown paper bag or simply resign to go and live the life of a reclusive in total ignominy.”

However, thanks to WOKE policies it’s now legally acceptable for employees with dimple chins to walk around in your business showing off their chins.

The Act was amended in the wake of the first Star Wars film (1977), largely due to the popularity of Luke Skywalker actor Mark Hamill’s chin dimple.

Other celebrities sporting chin dimples have also made this look socially acceptable, including:

• Sandra Bullock
• John Travolta
• Ben Affleck
• Henry Cavill
• Matt Damon
• Kirk Douglas
• Ewan McGregor
• Cary Grant
• Sir Patrick Stewart

Thanks to these dimple chin stalwarts, offices now must endure the sight of dimple chinned colleagues marching confidently about as if they own the joint.

Remember, our guide to remaining calm at work will help you there. There’s no need to explode in rage due to the protruding formation from someone’s lower jaw.

How to Hire Dimple Chinned Job Candidates

The hiring process for dimple chins is fraught with danger for potential employment tribunals. Employers like yourself must adhere to WOKE laws regarding social equality and not pointing, laughing, and/or getting angry about people a bit different from you.

For example, you mustn’t state on your job spec:

• No candidates with dimple chins.
  • Further to this, no candidates with cheek dimples when they smile.
• No candidates with members of their family with dimple chins.
  • Demand to see an entire family tree history upon first-stage interview, dating back 1,000s of years (if possible).
• No candidates who’ve previously worked with anyone with a dimple chin.
• NO DIMPLE CHINS!

Instead, you embrace these types of chins. No matter how distracting it may be to interview the individual with the, aforementioned, type of facial structure, resist the urge to point at length and have a discussion about this genetic abnormality.

TOP TIP! Dimple Chins Aren’t The Biggest Threat to Your Business

Remember, your business faces far bigger threats to survival than a few employees sporting chins with dimples. For example, you must endure:

• Recessions
• Communism
• Alien invasions
• Godzilla monster type rampages
• Nuclear war
• THE WOKE MOB
• Employees turning up wearing flip-flops

All of the above pose a far greater existential threat to your very existence, as opposed to just the distracting nature of chins with a dimple.

However, you do want to keep your staff focussed. As such, look to adapt a Non-Dimple Chin Distraction policy into your company handbook.

Non-Dimple Chin Distraction Policy

The key to business success in spite of eye-catching jawlines is to limit the level of distraction. Proven techniques for this include:

• Wearing a brown paper bag of their head (as previously indicated).
• Extensive plastic surgery (you’ll need to fund this) such as:
  • Breast implants (to distract from the jawline).
  • Botox of the face, lips, eyebrows, and forehead.
  • Chin dimple removal surgery.
• Provocative tattoos (such as “YOU ARE ALL BASTARDS!” printed on the forehead).
• Enforcing a beard growth policy for men.
• Enforcing a chin combover policy for women (whereby they sweep their long hair across their jawline).
• Wearing particularly elaborate scarves so as to block much of the face.
• Placing a plaster over the offending dimple so as to limit its eyesore capacity.

Enforce the above measures aggressively. Seek to prioritise staff without chin dimples. Rule with an iron fist over those who do have them.

Conclusions: Chin Dimples and Avoiding the Collapse of Civilised Society

It goes without saying the humble chin dimple has the alarming capacity to bring about the collapse of capitalism (when merged with issues such as Godzilla-like monsters and nuclear war).

That’d be a terrible thing and must not be allowed.

It’s your duty of care as an employer to protect the planet and its future. Put on hold your immediate desire to purchase a superyacht—instead, ensure chins don’t bring about the close of humanity at its greatest moment.

One solution that’s controversial but guaranteed to offer success is this—muzzles.

Think of that bit in Silence of the Lambs (1991) when Dr. Hannibal Lecter has the face mask on to keep his face warm (and to stop him from eating everybody).

Issue those masks to all dimple chin employees to block the view of their face for everyone else. Should they complain this is a draconian step, simply demote them to a JUNIOR level of their team.

If they’re already a junior member, demote them to the level of an unpaid apprentice.

If they’re already an unpaid apprentice, curse your rotten luck for being landed with such a torrid state of affairs! An unpaid apprentice with a dimple chin is the worst possible outcome for your business at this moment.

Hope and prey a Godzilla monster arrives to demolish your premises, for this is the only path for you now—starting afresh with a pure set of employee chins.