The big beautiful business world is a beautiful thing where the very best of society get rich through hard work and gumption. No word of a lie! That’s not at all spinning reality in the slightest.

And we’re here to celebrate that today with moving poetry about working life, strife, profit margins, spreadsheets, mindless commuting, and unpaid overtime. Hurray!

Working Harder Than Hard Employment Haiku

There are many cheeses. Thus, it is our goal to cover an array behold. Prepare to be moved to dairy-based tears.

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Arriving Late to Work

OMG I am 30 minutes late to work,
This’ll make me look like a total twerp,
I’ll distract everyone by bringing donuts to clog their arteries mwahahahhaa.

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Clogging Colleague Arteries With Free Donuts

Everyday I bring free donuts into work,
My colleagues think I’m the best,
Little do they know what I look like undressed!

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Gossiping in the Office

My colleague Gloria loves to gossip,
Ironically our office is in Glossop,
Thanks to her office politics are a toss up.

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Climbing the Corporate Ladder

I’m obsessed with building my career,
Even though I’m constantly drunk on beer,
I climb the corporate ladder but fall (shattered ankles ow).

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Toxic Workplace

Unfortunately I work in a toxic workplace,
Our office is packed full of nuclear waste,
My skin is peeling off.

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Nepotism Dogs

The boss just made his grandmother managing director,
She’s 89 and likes dogs,
The office is now overrun with 12 of them, they bark all day, and one of them nibbled on my ankles.

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Backstabbing and Favouritism

I screwed over my colleague so I’d get a promotion,
I said he was urinating in the office water cooler,
He’s been arrested and facing criminal charges.

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Working From Home?

The boss has banned WFH and wants us in the office,
He says no one will do any work in our homes,
To mock us further he’s filled the office with garden gnomes.

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Burnout

It’s apparent to me I’ve got workplace burnout,
I asked the boss for a mental health day,
He responded by calling me “gay”.

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Pay Rises

I’ve been working for a business for the last 10 years,
It’s often reduced me to tears,
So I asked for my first pay rise, “No!”, and I was sacked. That’ll teach me!

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Business as Usual (BAU)

It’s Monday morning and we’re working business as usual,
So I went to the bathroom to do buisness as usual,
 I clogged the toilet and reported my error to HR.

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Going Out for Lunch

I’ve got 30 minutes for my lunch break,
So I use it as an opportunity to gain lots of weight,
They can’t sack me if I’m overweight.

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Work-Life Balance

My employer is great because of the work-life balance,
My commute is only four hours a day and costs me £3k p/a,
He tells me this is “totes amazeballs” and gave me a pay cut because I was having it too easy.

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Corporate Goals

My business wants to make the boss really rich,
Unfortunately she’s a total bitch,
I distract myself by playing on my Nintendo Switch.