FISH! Fish mouthwash is the mouthwash that puts fish into mouthwash! If you’re BORED of boring old mint flavoured liquid to rinse out your mouth (gargling optional), then this is the SOB for you!

AVAILABLE TO BUY IN SHOPS FROM TODAY! You’ll also be able to find black market dealers hustling this rancid filth at you down dark and seedy alleyways! Trust them at your own peril!

Mackerel Mouthwash?! Rinse Out Your Gob With FISH!

Yes, yes, yes, yes! We know you’re bombarded 24/7 by 10,000+ other businesses demanding you buy their stuff like your life depends upon it!

BUT FISH MOUTHWASH IS DIFFERENT!

Why? Because our CEO, asides from the usual arrogant desire to be stinking rich and smug about it, deep down (away from his obvious sociopathic tendencies) really, really does care about fish! In fact, here’s a statement from our CEO!

“Hi there! I’m Rupert Wels Catfish III and I’m the CEO of Fish Mouthwash! As the CEO of this famous brand, you can bet your bottom dollar I just LOVE fish! When I was a young man (although I am still young so don’t get me started on that you pricks I can prove it all!), I had a pet goldfish called Larry! Larry was a great fish! I loved Larry and Larry loved me!”

What a moving story! You don’t want to let Larry the goldfish down, do you!? That’s right—honour his memory by RUSHING to your nearest shop and DEMANDING fish mouthwash!

If the shop owner gives you funny looks, you have our EXPRESS permission to get pompous and almighty about things because you are a CUSTOMER and the CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!

Our CEO doesn’t believe in that anachronistic business maxim, instead referring to consumers in general as “inane wankers”, but don’t let that put you off! Rupert Wels Catfish III really is a nice guy!

Instructions For Use

• Purchase product (DO NOT STEAL IT!)
• Remove lid
• Fill lid to brim with fish mouthwash
• Swill in mouth for 235 seconds until lockjaw sets in and you start to panic
• Gargle in a frenzy
• Gob contents onto the floor
• Bask in the knowledge your teeth are safe for another day
• Complain vociferously about the nasty fish aftertaste

Fish Mouthwash Ingredients and Legal Disclaimer

Fish mouthwash consists of fish and mouthwash. The examples of fish include: mackerel, salmon, tinned tuna, vegan fish alternative, and/or crab. May contain trace amounts of nuts and/or arsenic. Please note, this is not an alcohol-free mouthwash as it contains traces of 89% proof absinthe. Keep away from children. Do not allow geese to consume this product—a drunk goose is an angry goose.

Frequently Asked Questions About Fish Mouthwash

Here are answers to common questions our customers have about fish, teeth, mouthwash, and the meaning of life.

What is the meaning of life?

To buy fish mouthwash!

Why do you put an exclamation mark at the end of every sentence? It’s really annoying.

TO CREAT URGENCY! Fear of missing out! To highlight our product is likely the BEST ever product known to humanity! Get it or regret it!

Fish mouthwash sounds gross, why did you invent this?

Because our CEO is a demented sociopath hopelessly out of touch with reality!

Okay, I tried fish mouthwash and it’s truly disgusting. Can I get my money back?

No!