If you have freeloading employees whom work from home, you will need to have meetings with the, aforementioned, freeloading employee. As they are at home, the only way to do this is via TECHNOLOGY.

Specifically, via video call technology such as Skype, MS Teams, or Zoom.

However, and thus, it may come to be that the freeloading employee has… a PET CAT. This individual may, subsequently, appear during video calls and interrupt business things.

Introducing a Business Policy Regarding Cats on Video Calls

The Cats on Video Calls at Work Act 2020 was introduced in 2020, before being retrospectively reattributed to The Cats on Video Calls at Work Act 1974 (as 99% of employment law Acts are from 1974).

Video calls didn’t exist in 1974, but employment law is a stickler for tradition. Thus, therefore, and hence, the Act is now attributed to 1974 when the internet didn’t even exist.

However, to clear up any sense of lingering confusion, we can confirm cats did exist in 1974.

With that preamble out of the way, we can now focus on how the 1974 (2020) Act indicates the manner with which businesses should, or should not, manage cats during video call situations. In section 34 (f) on page 45,671 the Act states:

“Video calls may experience disturbances from common interrupters including, but not limited to:

1. Alien invasions
2. Genghis Khan
3. Ghosts
4. Marauding communists
5. Cats

Out of the, respective, five listed it is most likely a video call will be disrupted by one or more cats. While this may create a fuzzy moment of joy between colleagues as they celebrate the, aforementioned, cat’s arrival, do remember that fuzzy things and/or joy are not welcome in the brutally mechanical and robotic world of corporate capitalism.

Therefore, while cats may appear on a video call, it is our recommendation that employees strive with all their might to ensure their pet is not within camera shot during any video call meetings.”

Therefore, and hence, it’s good business practice to conduct your various meetings up unusually tall things where your cat can’t reach you and interject. Such objects can include, but aren’t limited to:

1. Huge trees
2. Your home’s roof
3. Wheelie bins
4. During a helicopter flight

As such, it’s good business practice to ensure your WFH employees conduct as many of their meetings as possible either perched atop a perilously high tree, or hire out a helicopter and conduct the meeting in that.

In Preparation of a Cat’s Perseverance During Meetings

Despite your best efforts, cats are hellishly determined and will go to great lengths to pester their owner. This may continue to cause disruptions to meetings by the cat in question:

• Shoving itself in front of the camera
• Meowing loudly
• Scratching at the screen
• Destroying stuff in the background
• Mauling its owner

If the latter occurs, you may need to call for an ambulance on behalf of your employee. A post-mauled employee may also need to take at least the afternoon off before returning to work the next day with severe wounds and all.

As the employer, it’s good business practice to grin and bear it during these feline-based displays.

You may also want to put on a fake laugh of politeness and/or suggest you like cats as well. Naturally, that will be a lie as you are probably labouring under a sociopathic personality disorder and likely don’t feel any empathy for any other living thing, which is why the brutally robotic nature of the business world suits your personal deeds.

However, and thus, putting on a positive front can make you look a little less hopelessly out of touch with reality. As such, chortle away and make statements such as:

• “Gosh, she is a cutie!”
• “I had a cat once as well!”
• “My favourite musical is Cats!”
• “I fancy Catwoman!”

And on and on with such sentiments until the meetings ends or is disconnected due to internet failure.

Addendum: Cat’s Eye View of Business Meetings

It’s good business practice to consider how cats may feel about being in a business meeting. As we’re not cats, we can only hypothesise on their pontifications on the matter.

As such, it’s worth noting cats, generally, have no understanding of the business world and/or capitalism.

This doesn’t mean they’re communists or democratic socialists, more that this type of animal just sort of freeloads it through life and doesn’t need to earn a living. This means a business meeting holds no value for it in the slightest, which is arguably why the animals seek to cause disruption of human-based business/social norms.

Regardless, and irrespective of such revelations, thus; capitalism must tolerate the cat. Otherwise there will be catitalism, a cat-based alternative where humans adopt a cat-based lifestyle of freeloading it one.

Then there wouldn’t be rich people, which is bad because… cats?