It’s common for the human male to spend time with “the lads” down at “the pub”. The local public house is where the human male can socialise, advance their beer belly career, and ignore their family.
However, for some human females this act may be viewed as barbaric. As with today’s filly in distress, how does one stop one’s geezer from spending all of his free time down t’ pub? Let’s explore the topic with expert insights on geezerdom.
When Your Husband Spends Too Much Time Drinking Beer in the Pub
Dear agony aunt,
My name is Barbara and my husband Harry is 57. He likes a pint or two, sure, but he’s spending too much time in the pub and not enough time at home, sitting on the sofa, watching football, and being lazy. Why can’t he balance out this very simple and typical man behaviour? It’s pub-homelife balance and he’s just not doing a very good job at it.
Last night I went down to the pub to berate him about this.
Just barged right on in. His mates were all there and yelled “WACTCH OUT, HARRY! THE HEFFALUMP IS HERE!” I gave him my most evil stare and then went up to Harry to nag him about what it is he thinks he’s doing. While I nagged him, his friends jeered at me and kept shouting “WAHEY!” at random intervals.
Anyway, I dragged him home while the jeering continued and when we got back home he went to the fridge, got a beer, then we had a two hour argument about why I was so an “drain on his [my husband’s] existence” and that got me upset so I poured all his remaining beer down the toilet when he wasn’t watching. When he found out he went into beast mode, he was more monster than man! Get this! He called me, “The worst wife to ever have existed on this clean Earth!”
We haven’t spoken since… this may be a matter for divorce. What do I do? I feel it’s high time husbands STOPPED GOING TO PUBS to avoid horrifying matters such as this.
Yours, Jennifer
Hi there, Jennifer. Thank you for your timely, moving, and gut-wrenching account of one of the UK’s great threats to society—Husbands in Pubs.
We believe your case isn’t simply a matter of agony aunt column level and, in fact, should be forwarded to the:
- Police
- Government
- Parliament
- National guard
- FBI
- NASA
It’s about time this matter was addressed as a serious one, for every hour a husband spends in excess in a pub drinking beer and belching, society is under threat from something.
We beseech you to form The Anti-Husbands in Pubs Organisation, a charity designed to support distraught wives stuck at home whilst they know their husband is in a pub drinking beer. The organisation can aim to:
- Stop husbands from going to pubs
- Stop husbands from drinking beer
- Save society
It’s a noble cause and one we fully support by posting your rambling gibberish of in our agony aunt. With our help, Jennifer, you can get the UK back on track toward a beer belly free society. Take the step! Down in one.
