Hair in plugholes makes you look like a vile bastard. That’s why you need to hire Plughole Hair Removal Enterprises Ltd. to get that gunk the hell out of there!
Then, and only then, will you no longer look like a vile bastard. HIRE US TODAY! It’s the only way to keep your plugholes safe in this disorderly world of chaos, hair, and other embarrassing bodily functions.
Plughole Hair Removal Services: Doing the Icky so You Don’t Feel Sicky
There’s nothing more grotesque than taking a shower in the morning, but the shower basin unit floods with water because there’s HUMAN HAIR clogging the plughole and OMG you’re standing in a load of disgusting filth.
The only way around this nightmare is to get on your hands and knees and pluck the hairs out of the plug one by one. Like you’re some sort of slave to disgustingness.
That’s where the experts at Plughole Hair Removal Services Ltd. will save the day. We have a team of 100 men with a combined experience of 1,000 years’ hair removal from plugholes. Trust us, even the most appalling clogged plughole want make us churn inwardly or vomit unexpectedly. We’re men of steel!
But it does take the team of 100 men to pluck up the courage and get that hair out of the plughole, which is why we charge £10,000 per “session” (no refunds). During that time we:
- Excavate three miles around the affected plughole with earth diggers, cranes, and explosives
- Establish a forbidden zone three miles around the affected area
- Our team of experts don their hazmat suits
- Our team of experts use tweezers to delicately pick each hair from the affected area
- Bleach is sprayed around a 20-mile radius
- The zone is declared a Plughole Clean Zone and it is safe for you to shower again
Our service is so effective that not even bacterial microbes survive the cleansing process, plus any humans present not wearing a hazmat suit will have their skin peel from their body!
Case Study: Jeff Was Undatable, Now He’s More Eligible Than Brad Pitt!
Picture the scene. Jeff lived in a studio flat in Bolton of Greater Manchester. He hadn’t cleaned the gunk out of his various plugholes in THREE YEARS.
He was a disgrace to his family and the reason the love of his life, Barbara, looked at him in total disgust (because he’d once admitted to her he never cleans gunk out of plugholes).
Surely, there had to be a better way.
AND THERE WAS! Jeff moved flat and had clean plugholes from day 1. But that meant, in time, as the years ticked by, his plugs got full of hair again and Barbara, having fallen in love with him when he moved flat, now hated him so much she broke his nose with a single punch
Jeff really should have paid the £10k and got Plughole Hair Removal Services Ltd. to do the dirty work for him. Now, because he didn’t, his nose is wonky.
Plughole Hair Removal Services Ltd.
We’ve only had one customer review in recent years, but don’t let that put you off. His negativity is simply because he is a communist and hates capitalism and our brilliance.
“Hired the company to remove the gross hair gunk in my flat’s sinks cos all of us were knee deep in water whenever we showered. The guys turned up and turned the area of London where I live into an unliveable wasteland! Wtf? Just REMOVE THE HAIR FROM THE PLUGHOLE! What’s with the detonations, hazmat suits, panicked roaring, safety sirens, and bleach? My flatmate got bleach all over his legs because the company were hurling the stuff around everywhere. Admittedly, they did get the hair out of the plughole… but at what cost!? My flat is gone, the neighbourhood is gone, and the local council is on my case for wanton destruction. Not a satisfied customer!”
