The Many and Varied Reasons why Eggs aren’t Egregious!

Eggs
Eggs!
Egregious, adjective. Definition: Outstandingly bad; shocking. Example sentences: “The egregious slander towards egregious eggs was egregious”, “The eggs were  shockingly and outstandingly egregious”, “Egor the egregious egg connoisseur egregiously displayed egregiousness about eggs which were not, essentially, egregious – per se.”

If, like us, you like eggs then you’ll be deeply offended by the adjective “egregious” – it’s slanderous towards eggs and makes them out to be something which they are not. We, at Professional Moron, find it offensive. We’re so offended we’re going to continue using this paragraph to remind you of how offended we are. Indeed, we’re offended.

Eggs are pretty neat. You can boil them, pelt them at people, do the Egg and Spoon race anywhere you want (such as at funerals), scramble it up a notch, poach, and make eggnog. Clearly the egg is a versatile beast, which is why it shouldn’t be disparaged by words created by bigoted morons.

Of course eggs shouldn’t be given an entirely easy time of it. Indeed, there are certain things we detest about eggs, such as when they crack when you’re trying to boil them. SOB – we’re not having that! Why can’t they be manufactured to not crack?

“As they’re made by chickens, idiots!” you grunt, but surely the chickens could be genetically modified to make extra robust eggs? We’re on about eggs reinforced with mild steel flat bars. Not strong, but mild. Anything above mild would be an extravagance, they’re only eggs after all.

This creates a conundrum, however, as if one reinforces the eggs, but loses quality, doesn’t this, therefore, make this new brand of eggs egregious? This means, consequently, one must leave the humble egg as it is, and should anyone find it egregious in any way then he or she must be pelted with rotten agrees until they retract their statement.

In conclusion, what have we learnt from today’s blog? As with everything in life, if you’re obstinate and dim-witted enough the problem will go away. We’ll drink some eggnog to that!

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