Exclusive Recipe: Popcorn Soup!

Popcorn soup
The key ingredients for popcorn soup. They are: popcorn and soup.

We’ve been busy writing a short story recently so our attention hasn’t been fully on this here blog of ours. Whilst we feel ashamed about this development, we do not feel at all ashamed about the latest soup recipe we’ve invented!

Popcorn, you will no doubt agree, is one of the finest inventions in the history of ever. Why, seriously, there’s no better food to consume whilst watching a movie. The fantabulous thing is popcorn is pretty good for you so long as you don’t slather butter, chocolate, or toffee all over the stuff. But… what if you turn it into a soup? Oh my!

Popcorn Soup

To make popcorn soup you’re going to need a load of corn kernels. Failing this, just buy a load of ready popped popcorn at your nearest shop. You’ll also need around a litre of stock, such as beef or chicken, 200g of butter, 20g of salt, 100g of sugar, a pint of double cream, extra virgin olive oil, a can of whipped cream, artificial sweeteners, and a jar of money.

What you want to do is get all that lot and stuff into a pan (pop the corn prior to this if you’ve gone and put the effort in and bought the corn bits). If you’ve got a bag of popcorn, add the stock first and then tip in the popcorn. Put onto maximum heat and froth the living daylights out of the thing until the popcorn goes incredibly soggy (like Cornflakes after inserting milk) and bulks up the stock something horrible.

At this stage add 200ml of extra virgin olive oil and the sugar, butter, salt, and double cream. Leave on full heating power and place a lid onto the pan, allowing the concoction to bubble and froth wildly inside. Don’t be alarmed if this becomes alarming, or if it begins spilling out onto your hob surface, this is physics at work. It’s perfectly natural!

What the Actual Fudge?

As always with Professional Moron, this may seem to push the boundaries of morality. Never fear! We have your best health interested at heart. After 10 minutes of manic cooking take the soup off the hob and dish it out into bowls. You know the old maxim – leave to cool for several minutes? Ignore that! It’s best to get stuck in pronto!

Acquire a spoon and begin tasting the soup, disregarding the agonising burns the scalding hot liquid foists upon your gob. You can spray the can of whipped cream into your face to cool down those burns, but the general idea of this is to try and overcome the searing agony you’re experience. Popcorn soup isn’t for the lighthearted – it’s an endurance test designed to break you psychologically. Are you up to the challenge?!

Hang On! Where’s The Tea Extravaganza You Promised?

After Mr. Wapojif severed a leg yesterday in a scythe juggling contest, we decided to delay the tea extravaganza. It’ll probably commence tomorrow. Join us for tea?


  1. At the risk of sounding shallow, can I just spray the whipped cream onto my face so it looks likes I’ve eaten some of the scalding soup?

    Sorry to hear about the scythe accident. Hopefully none of the severed leg bits will work their way into a tea.


    • No. You MUST follow the instructions as indicated by us! Or else! You can swap the whipped cream for marmite if this is preferential.

      I am a skilled juggler but the scythe thing was a disaster of the highest order. Luckily, I have three legs (well, two now) so I can still strut me stuff no problem. Aiiiie!


      • Okay… well then I’m going for the Marmite. Boy, you really have a strict blog here.
        Glad to hear you still have 2 legs left. Good Luck with that!


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