Clipper: A Tea Range For Everyone

Clipper Teas
It’s the Clipper Tea range! Some of it, anyway. Note the Pukka tea range in the background… lurking!

Tea week begins with a look at some of the teas we, here at Professional Moron, consider to be the best teas in the world. To commence proceedings of this prim and proper time, we’re looking at the Clipper tea brand and its glorious selection of (you guessed it) tea!

In amongst the Clipper range is the tea we’ve officially dubbed as the Greatest Tea in the World. This one is genuinely life changing, so long as you can hack its awesomeness. More on that one later.

We’ll also be fondly staring at the many and varied herbal teas the company has. This kind of breaks from tradition with the normal Professional Moron posts, but so what? It’s only for a few days, eh?!

The Best Tea in the World

Clipper Assam Tea with Vanilla
Majestic? Hell yes! Get some, or face the consequences!

We’re kicking stuff off with what is officially the Best Tea in the World. Well, perhaps not officially. In our earnest opinion it is. Assam Tea with Vanilla will transform the way you view the world and turn you into an all singing, all dancing crazed SOB. Whoo!

We’ve discussed Assam Tea with Vanilla on this blog before. Clipper do do (lol… do do) other tea of course, such as green tea and Earl Grey, but who gives a damn? There’s Assam Tea with Vanilla and this is all that matters in the world.

Herbal Tea!

Clipper Nettle tea
Nettle? You better believe it!

Herbal tea makes tea sound like it’s got some sort of illegal properties going on for it, but we can assure you everything is perfectly sorted here. It doesn’t come more sorted than with Clipper’s herbal teas, too, as there’s one massive selection available!

You’ve got stuff like nettle (as seen in the image above, stupid) which tastes a bit like… nettle. What can we say? It’ll clean your liver and kidneys out, that’s for sure, but the water turns greens and it’s not a glorious taste. Go for mint and nettle and you’ll be sorted – this will settle your stomach after a massive meal such as pizza on toast.

Mint! Oh my word, mint! Mint tea is one of the great herbal teas of the world. You truly don’t want to miss out on this son of a gun. It’ll calm your nerves, make you smell nice, and generally taste awesome for you.

Health benefits ahoy! This is the point of tea week – as your New Year’s resolutions wither and fade, we’re here to remind you (like a malignant virus) to return to good ways!

Flavours we’d Like to See

Banana tea
Not a single Minion in sight!

We’ love to see different types of flavours from Clipper, so we’ve come up with some mental ideas in the hope we can trick Clipper into making them. Obviously, as you’ll be able to tell from the image, we’re really rather keen on the idea of banana tea!

We’re pretty sure Clipper’s already vast range would have them chortling at our stupidity, but why not banana tea? Has this tea ever been tried before?

We suppose you could try by dumping a banana skin into some boiling water, but this might cause some sort of bizarre chemical reaction. Like, we don’t know, a catastrophic explosion, or something. Best leave it to the professionals, eh?



Dispense with some gibberish!

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