Exclusive Recipe: Extra Garlicky Garlic Bread Cake!

Garlic bread
Garlic bread cake will look roughly like this.

The great thing about garlic is it’s so versatile. Whether you want to make garlic ice cream or garlic bread, it’s willing to adapt and force its foul smelling ways into your lifestyle. Cake is much the same. It will force its foul smelling existence into your life, leaving you feeling morally corrupt and emotionally bankrupt. Possibly. It may also make you do a song and dance of loveliness.

Garlic bread is, of course, famous for many things. We don’t have time to discuss what exactly, but what we have decided to do with it is turn it into a cake. Sometimes, combining the best things in life makes for even better things. Think of combining a great white shark with a rickshaw – it’d be the most terrifyingly pointless creation ever! This is what garlic bread cake has achieved. Awesomeness in a cake (with added dollops of terror).

Garlic bread cake

The basic ingredients you’ll need for garlic bread cake are as follows: garlic and cake (the bread is already in the cake – the flour). We recommend around 50 cloves of garlic for this cake, which you can arrange around the concoction to make it look pretty and, of course, to make it taste of garlic.

To save time, we recommend you buy a readymade cake (such as a great big chocolate cake) and stick the garlic cloves all over the cake with superglue. Take the cake and stick it into your oven for a good hour or so on 40 degrees excelsior. Once you remove the garlic bread cake after the allotted cooking time, you may find it to be partially on fire. Extinguish it with your fire extinguisher, your pet dog, or your nearest family member’s trousers, and leave the cake to smoulder for a few minutes.

At this stage you will realise the cake kicks up the most almighty smell of garlic. We can’t deny it, this one is difficult to hang around for large periods of time. The smell is so powerful we’ve decided to provide a warning with this recipe. The warning reads as follows: Warning! Only consume this if you like garlic. Indeed.

It’s pretty garlicky

The thing about garlic bread cake is the overriding taste of garlic. If you dislike garlic, this means garlic bread cake probably isn’t your cup of tea with a slice of stench ridden garlic bread cake. This is a shame for garlic is rather good for you. So good, in fact, it’s been cited as a cure for:

  • Halitosis (which is ironic)
  • Body odour (which is ironic)
  • Smelly feet (which is ironic)
  • Tennis elbow (which isn’t ironic)
  • And scurvy.

Even if you are a fan of garlic, we sadly have to comment this cake is quite the disappointment. One bite into the stuff is enough to have you retching from here to your bathroom, such is the overwhelming pungency and harshness of the garlic. The only way we could eat it was to get the chocolate bits in first, then try and stomach the garlic. In all, this dish is an ordeal only a fool would create. Best of luck cooking it!


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