In case porridge simply wasn’t instant enough for you (pour into a bowl, add water, and consume), it will alleviate your anxiety to know there’s an Instant Cornmeal Porridge Mix with Cinnamon available. Ready in three minutes – just add boiling water! Where have you been all our life?!

Made in Jamaica by the company Pronto (we’re not joking – Jamaica clearly has a long history dealing with porridge), this little wonder comes packed with all manner of beneficial nutrients, is as portable as your smartphone, and will make you look super cool as you yank it out at work. Gosh, modern life sure is swell, mister!

Pronto’s Instant Cornmeal Porridge Mix

You’ll be pleased to know you’re not dealing with a batch of healthy ingredients and what not here. Sometimes, when you want to pig out, it’s about abandoning your duties as a healthy human being and succumbing to the sugary rush of sugar.

Refined cornmeal and sugar appear to be the key ingredients with this thing, plus plenty of added vitamins in an attempt to outweigh the outright badness of instantaneous porridge.

Interestingly, Pronto states on the packaging “Enjoy a healthy start to your day” with this thing. This product belongs to an anachronistic world where anything instant used to be a healthy convenience. Now we known this is a bowl blocking inconvenience which you’d be wise to avoid.

It’s All About Your Health

Asides from the “nanny state” arguments thrown about here in the UK whenever the government promotes a healthy eating lifestyle so citizens can lead fulfilling lives, there’s the other argument healthy food is much more expensive than unhealthy food.

This is a dismal notion thrown up by imbeciles who’ve never visited a fresh vegetable aisle – even the organic range in major supermarkets is super cheap these days. Visit the frozen pizza or ready meal aisle and prices are far above a giant sack of organic potatoes.

Indeed, this little instant porridge thing cost us 99p and is barely enough to fill a dribbling toddler. Conversely, a 1kg bag of Flahavan’s Irish Organic Porridge Oats only costs £2 and provides enough for an entire family over a whole week or more.

What are we getting on our high horse about? They’re just observations, man. We may be getting up ourselves here, but these are pertinent observations, fool, and we’re wondering what makes the junk food addict’s mind take every opportunity to dismiss healthier options. Unfounded cost analysis appears to be merely another trick in the armoury of stupidity.

Taste Test!

Unlike the Pot Noodle Sandwich we created last year, we were brave enough to give this thing a brief taste. We can confirm this thing is bloody delicious.

It’s pretty obvious why: sugar. There’s a crapload of the stuff in the tub, complemented by the ever glorious cinnamon.

Give this thing to your children in the morning and they’ll be giddy with glee! Watch in subsequent horror as they come crashing down off their sugar high an hour later and begin punching each other and drawing morbid pictures of porridge monsters invading Earth.

Do you want that to happen? Well… at least you could sell the drawings to a national tabloid newspaper and appear in print scowling whilst you expect and apoplectic apology from the company in question. Advanced complaining – it works wonders.