Exclusive Invention: Propcorn (movie props & popcorn all-in-one)

Propcorn - Popcorn and movie props
So how do you turn that stuff into cutting edge movie sets and more? Read on, Macduff!

Popcorn is the most versatile food since cheese on toast. It’s edible with most other foods (except for haddock) and can be used with movies to make the aforementioned movies even more fun. Indeed, without popcorn we’re willing to bet the entire movie industry would now have collapsed and we’d be left watching pretentious street performers miming about clambering through a local sewage system.

The movie industry is always in need of innovations and new actors. We can’t act, but we can invent – this is why we’ve invented propcorn. What we do, right, is take all the uneaten popcorn from movie cinemas around the world and turn it all into movie props and sets! It’s cutting edge, sustainable, environmentally friendly, and only a little bit insanely dangerous and ineffective. Hurray!

Propcorn

There’s a brand in the UK called Propercorn but, fear not, this has nothing to do with them. We’re solely aiming our goods at the movie industry! Yes, Hollywood will be delighted with our popcorn based props. The latest uninspired superhero flick on the way? With propcorn, we can build your studio a state of the art movie set, complete with propcorn tannoy system so you can yell at stupid actors.

If you’re concerned about the ability of popcorn to withstand serious weight, let us postulate this scenario to you: it’s Titanic 2 and Leonardo da Vinci is gawping in awe at a 52,000 tonne ship made entirely out of popcorn. He makes to stand on it and promptly breaks character with a mortifying scream as the entire propcorn creation comes crashing down around him, killing him hideously.

Rest assured, such an outcome is far from likely! We use state of the art superglue to ensure our propcorn creations are moderately sturdy. They’ll be so sturdy, in fact, they’ll even be able to support notoriously overweight actors such as Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Amy Adams.

“Erm…”

Never fear! If you don’t want your set to look like a batch of glued together popcorn (those dastardly critics would, after all, no doubt notice), we can leave that to the professionals and instead make minor props to make your life easier. Need a director’s chair? We’ll propcorn it up for you! Want to injure the SOB for being obnoxious? We’ll make one which will collapse under his or her weight, severely injuring him or her!

Then, of course, at the end of it all, you can simply take the props home, crumble them up, and enjoy the movie you’ve made with the finest superglue coated popcorn you can lay your hands on (just have a stomach pump on hand to get that lot out of your system once you’ve eaten it – superglue isn’t good for you, apparently).

Whatever your needs, hire us today and for £300 ($500) an hour we can craft the finest propcorn for your movie sets! We’ll even punch out Christian Bale if he gives you any grief as a complimentary part of our service. Take that, Batman, you belligerent bastard!

2 comments

    • I know… I’m bloody chuffed. You think of all that wasted popcorn each week – enough to build a popcorn Mount Everest!

      In time, Mr. Pitt will be okay, I hope. I have enjoyed his work and also like the beard he’s been sporting of late.

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