Exclusive Recipe: Haddock & Coca Cola Soup!

Haddock and Coca Cola Soup
It makes for a grand soup!

Sometimes you just want a recipe that peels the dead skin cells from off your face – haddock and coca cola soup is such a recipe. With its combination of haddock and flat cola, one slurp of this bad boy and you’ll wince and retort: “By Jove, that is an unusual merger of ingredients!” Indeed – well spotted.

Whilst most people believe food should encourage positive reactions, we believe it should also promote disgust. This is the nature of being a genius chef – we recognise the full potential of food, which includes causing those who eat our products suffering all manner of horrendous reactions. Whatever, we’ve formulated a legal waiver and can’t be touched!

Haddock & Coca Cola Soup

Haddock is a fish which is typically used in fish-based dishes, such as fish soup. Conversely, coca cola is a fizzy drink which is consumed by those who wish to gain a lot of weight – if you shake the bottle, it also explodes with the power of zero atom bombs. This was a feature implemented by the company to ensure coca cola fans aren’t obliterated when consuming the product.

Few people have ever made a soup from coca cola, and fewer still would dare to add the punchy kick of haddock into the mix. However, this is exactly what we’ve done. It’s a simple soup to make – you just combine the ingredients in a pan, add 30g of salt, 50g of sugar, a knob of butter, and a globule of marmite.

Heat on maximum volume and stir occasionally. Do not worry when the soup begins frothing like crazy – this is good progress. Heat for one hour and then transfer the remains to a bowl – leave the concoction to stand for five minutes and then down it all in one.

We can only recommend you down it like a shot as, frankly, it’s far too putrid to sit around pretending you’re enjoying the stuff. Just down the thing and then brace yourself, as your stomach will start making some weird noises after you’ve ingested the stuff – this is simply your sphincter adjusting itself, so don’t be overly alarmed.

“Sorry, But I’m Alarmed!”

Well we told you not to be alarmed, doofus! It’s simple – consume the product and then deal with the consequences. Whilst, normally, you eat something under the belief you won’t become horribly ill, but if that’s what you want just go and buy some lettuce, or something, you bore. We’re on about experimentation, here!

So whilst haddock and coca cola soup may be something you only try once, and regret for the rest of your life, it will at least put hairs on your eyebrows, prove your vomiting abilities are as strong as ever, and ensure you drop to the floor in a feverish sweat, thereby banishing those pesky dead skin cells. It’s all thanks to haddock and coca cola soup!

11 comments

    • Yeah, it’s quite the nifty phrase. The best bet is to stick in place a legal waiver, so consumers have no rights. It’s shifty, but what the hey. There’s money to be made!

  1. One thing I like about this blog is that it constantly reaffirms my vegetarian, no sugar diet. I mean I’m dealing with the consequences of this soup just from reading the recipe. Well done!

    • No sugar, you say? What about naturally occurring sugars, such as in oranges and sweets? Anyway, I can recommend this recipe should you need a wake up remedy. Red Bull? No! Haddock and Coke!

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