Exclusive Invention: Carafans (a caravan with a 12ft fan on the back)

The Carafan Invention
An early prototype for the carafan.

For his real job, Mr. Wapojif was recently in Spain getting sunburnt, wearing his Reni hat, and avoiding families as they lazed about outside their caravans. All this holiday stuff got him thinking… in the intense heat, where is there room to cool the Hell down? The shade!? What is this, 1933?! It’s time for a caravan revolution!

This is why we invented the carafan, which is a normal caravan with an enormous fan integrated into the rear (i.e. the arse) so it can cool down beleaguered holiday-goers. Stand out from the rest, keep your holiday on track, and banish sweat and the putrid stench of BO – throw your money at us and we’ll build you a custom made carafan which will knock your socks off.

The Carafan

We approached this product from two parts – first, the caravan had to be spacious, comfortable, and possessing a toilet which is more like an archaic torture unit for those afflicted with claustrophobia. With this bit done, we turned our attention to the most important bit of the carafan – the fan. This had to be powerful, robust, and provide a wonderful UX (user experience) so ensure cooling is of the highest level.

As such, we fixed in a fan of considerable power into the carafan. It’s capable of gusting with the force of a jet engine (which is, indeed, as it is a jet engine) and will have you cooler than the Fonz at the North Pole eating an ice lolly. So powerful it is we realised we didn’t need to install an engine in the carafan’s engine bit – the fan is enough to propel the carafan along at speeds of up to 500mph!

Naturally, many retirees enjoying a more sedate stage in their lives may not find this overly desirable. If this is you, then you’ll have to buy a normal caravan – a stifling monstrosity with feeble cooling abilities which will ensure you spend your holiday miserable, dehydrated, and wishing you’d forked out the £100,000 ($150,000) for the carafan. It’s your choice.

Cool!

Once at their destination, holiday-goers baking in the midday sun can simply place their sunbathing implements at the rear of their carafan. Upon turning on the fan, the jet engines will begin, rather forcefully, expelling cool air with tremendous gusto. At this stage we must indicate you will have to nail all your holiday furniture into the ground, otherwise they’ll end up half a mile down your campsite due to the kinetic energy involved.

You’ll also have to strap yourself to your sunbathing bed so as to, also, not end up half a mile down your campsite with severe injuries to your extremities and internal organs. Whilst you will look like a mental patient being buffeted about by gale force winds, it’s worth it to keep your body temperature low in order to maintain your cool.

4 comments

  1. If they’re so overheated, they ought not being wearing socks from the get go.
    What moron wears socks to visit a hot, sunny beach?

    • Well my policy on sandals, as you may know, means socks are the only option. It’s either that or those them there stupid man pants which show men’s stupid hairy goddamn knees. Bloody hell.

  2. LOL!!!! You can’t nail down holiday furniture to the ground. First good gust and it’s all over the place, and you’ll probably step on a nail and get tetanus. It will have to be cleverly chained to a tree. I’ve seen this done using very heavy chain. You wind the chain to & fro through the furniture, then wind said chain around a study tree. Connect the chain with a decent padlock.
    You have hairy knees????

    • Most men have hairy knees, I’m afraid. Even Brad Pitt. It’s some remnant of our species, like, 100,000 million years ago, or something. We were all hairy back then.

      Factorama! Keith Moon used to wrap chains and rope around his drum kit to stop it shifting around/falling over during gigs. Kind of defeated the point of it all when he blew his kit up at the end. Fun, though.

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