Exclusive Invention: Auberjeans (jeans and vegetables all-in-one!)

Aubergines are good for fashion

There comes a time when one must accept vegetables are acceptable to wear. The time is now. Attention seeking snorefest Lady Gaga may revel in wearing a dress made of meat, but we’d prefer to know this woman and focus, instead, on fashion which embraces vegetables – you know the things, those green objects which are good for you, but cause so much controversy amongst anyone with a juvenile streak.

Take, for instance, the folks at Mr. Wapojif’s day job, whom pretty much refuse to eat any form of vegetables at all as, you know, gross etc. It makes our blood boil! Thusly, we’ve invented a fashionable new item which will help vegetables loathers to get over their irrational fear and embrace the veg whilst being all fashionable and fab at the the same time. Hurray!


Aubergine is also known as eggplant in some areas of the world (i.e. the dumb ones). Ignore that. Aubergine has nothing to do with eggs, thusly we have aubegine or, as we’ve now managed to create, the auberjean. This is, simply put, a pair of jeans made out of aubergines. How stylish, eh?

People have been wearing vegetables for centuries, of course, so this isn’t as innovative as you may think. So you can prop your dropped jaw right back up there, missy (we’re under the assumption women will be most amazed by this invention/recipe), and drop us an immediate email to pre-order! We haven’t finalised costs yet, but this product has been designed by fashion genius Mr. Wapojif so we’re expecting a solid £1,000 mark should do it. To look good, you gotta spend.

What are the benefits of wearing trousers made entirely of this vegetable? In truth, not much. Slices of aubergine are glued together and the individual must, with the utmost care, slide them onto their legs in order to not disrupt the delicate slices. It’s a total pain in the arse, really, but when you want to look good, sometimes it hurts.

Post-Wearing Cooking Instructions

Once you’re fed up with wearing the pants you can, of course, cook them or add them to a nice salad! We advise wearing the pants for about a week – no longer. The aubergine starts to rot after this and you’ll begin to stink a bit. Fashion is about being aesthetically pleasing, not smelling like you’re a compost heap! Bear that in mind, dear.

Anyway, you can simply strip the pants off your person but, of course, you’ll have had to wear them for a week as you can’t take them off once you’re in them (didn’t we mention this already? Oh, we’re sorry, it’s a shame you already ordered a pair, we have a no refund policy!), so the pants will potentially smell a bit of your bacteria and skin flakes and other bodily fluids, as you have to foul yourself when wearing these things – we mentioned, you can’t take them off!

Anyway, scrape all the effluence off with a sponge and plastic knife, or something, and then add the rest to a salad, stew, or pasta bake and you’ll be all sorted for a former fashion item which has turned into a delicious, foul smelling, and contaminated meal for two, three, or four people. Enjoy!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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