Right, after the success of our inaugural Friday Haikus (whenever that was), we’re back with more of these to celebrate the wonderful world of the haiku. Yes? No? Indeed.

Online Dating

Zomg he’s, like, so fit.
ZOMG he’s, like, sending me messages!
Unsolicited dick pic.

Offline Dating

Omg, hot guy at the bus stop.
OMG he’s totes walking over!
ZOMG he’s stolen my handbag and’s legging it!

Marriage

My big day, wedding bells, lots of love, wonderful.
Honeymoon over, moving in together, time to start a new life.
He’s clogged the toilet.

Unclogging the Toilet

Plunge the plunger.
Mop up the mess.
My mother warned me about his dietary excess.

Taking the Bus

This seat is damp.
Oh God, I feel like a tramp.
I can’t believe this cost me £4.50.

Taking the Train

It’s running late.
Now it’s severely delayed.
And they’ve cancelled it – £100 well spent.

Taking the Plane

We’re taking off.
I need the bog.
Do I just go on the floor?

Life in England

It’s raining.
It’s stopped raining.
Drunken football riot.

Clouds

Clouds are pretty.
I’m singing a ditty.
Arghhh! I fell over and shattered my ankles. I’ll never walk again!

Friday

It’s Friday, Friday.
Gotta get down on Friday.
There are dead bodies everywhere. 

Saturday

Dead bodies everywhere (still). 
What is this, The Walking Dead?
LOL!

Turnips

Turnips are nice.
But then so is rice. 
Why am I covered in bed lice?

Bread

It’s bread.
But it isn’t red.
Blood is – watch as I punch this person!