Exclusive Invention: The Toilet Seat Hat

Toilet cubicles in a black and white bathroom
Going to the toilet has never been so stylish!

Are you sick and tired of not being able to use your toilet seat as a fashion accessory? The great news is you’ll soon just be sick (due to various bacterial infections), as our spectacular and eye-catching toilet seat hat solves all of life’s woes.

Yes, this clothing item can be donned to professional or social events, whether it’s a job interview, dinner party, or hot date.

Simply detach the seat from your toilet, place it upon your bonce, and you’re all good to go. Here’s why it’s going to be the hottest fashion item of the summer!

Toilet Seat Hat

This clothing item is also perfectly functional as a toilet seat. All you need to do is attach it to your toilet with the included rungs and you’re all good to go. You’ll never get caught short again!

Once finished, simply detach the rungs, wipe off any little “accidents”, and place the hat back on your head.

You’re then free to parade around society looking every bit the part, for the hat resembles a fascinator bridal hat with flowery arrangement. That’s for the discerning lady.

For men, you can get one in black or brown and it looks like a top hat. But it’s also a toilet seat – a great way to impress the lads down the boozer.

Other than that, it’s really all about the convenience. Modern life is so cluttered and we’re aiming to declutter it all by creating as many all-in-one hybrid products as possible.

Even if it means putting your health at severe risk.

Safety Precautions

Although the toilet seat hat looks great, you’ll need to maintain various health and safety practices in order to wear it.

First of all, we recommend a full facial mask – this will fend off particulate matter and residue from unpleasant bodily functions that are embarrassing so we won’t mention them here (i.e. poop, urine, and vomit).

If you’re particularly sensitive, then you can don a full hazmat suit and stick the toilet seat hat on top of that. Your overall sex appeal will plummet, sure, but you’ll avoid the more unsanitary elements of the fashion accessory.

Our good old friend chemical grade bleach is another option.

Whenever you’ve used the toilet seat hat as a toilet seat, place it back on your head and then pour a litre of bleach liberally over your body. That will kill 99.9% of germs and also shred the hair from your scalp (the shaved head look is very much indeed “in” these days).

But above everything else, enjoy wearing the hat! It’s only £350 ($500) and will be a massive hit this summer thanks to our marketing campaign with the tagline:

"Toilet Seat Hats: Helping you look the shit, whilst taking one."


  1. Hmmm, a pretty good idea, all in all.
    I can see other accessory ideas here. I’m liking the Toilet Seat Medallion. With the 70’s maybe making a fashion comeback, medallions are all the rage. Also, they could be hung around one’s neck using old chainsaw chains.

    Your tagline would still apply, and you would have an 3-in-1 hybrid. Looking good!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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