
Another week, more poetry. Getting bored of it yet? Tough. Our most lyrical feature is here to stay, like a great big fancy bouquet.
As it’s summer and a lot of people want to get half naked and show off their bodies, we’ve gone for this fashion special thing.
We’re not really any good at fashion, but we’re going to ignore that in favour of lecturing you like raging narcissists.
Skinny Jeans
These jeans were made for walking.
And that’s just what they’ll do.
One of these days I’ll use boots instead, like a proper person.
∞
Underpants
My wife has a go at me for the state of my y-fronts.
She says it sets a bad example for our infants.
Time for a divorce!
∞
Speedos
When you’ve got a killer bod.
Speedos make you look like a God…
But also a bit of a dickwad.
∞
Hat Wearing
The hat it rests upon my head.
Not unlike a single by Right Said Fred.
I’m too sexy for my hat.
∞
The Scarf
When winter is amongst us.
The neck, it is vulnerable.
Move to Barbados or buy a scarf.
∞
Jumpers
My desire was to jump very high.
I bought a jumper.
The disappointment of inadequate jumping.
∞
High Heels
The woman, she is often quite short.
Into the sky she most go.
To the complement of destroyed ankles.
∞
Man Bag
It is every man’s right.
To get into a really big fight.
And then put his teeth in his man bag for safe keeping.
∞
Purse
What do you think is worse?
Falling over or forgetting your purse?
∞
Bikini
When it comes to hitting the beach.
Make sure you haven’t been drinking bleach.
Otherwise you will screech (in skin peeling agony).
∞
Socks
Feet are alone unless they’re enthroned.
Feet must not deal with the feat of overcoming abandonment.
Unless it has athlete’s foot, then that’s just gross.
∞
Skirts
As a woman I always wear skirts.
Because I am aware of the local flirts.
And when they pester me I punch them in the bloody jaw!
∞
Man Feet
As a shoe, I have to put up with this.
Good God, it makes me yearn for bliss.
Instead I stare at verucas.
Best Haikus, ever! Hard to pick a fave, but Man bag is up there.
LikeLike