13 Films Ruined By Adding “Hubby & Wifey” Into The Title

Husband and wife
Which one is the hubby?

Valentine’s Day is coming up—and we’re not going to stop doing misguided romance pieces until it’s been and gone.

Today, we’re imagining a world of films where a husband and wife make the experience a tad more sedate for the audience.

Hubby & Wifey Park

Roses

A billionaire sets up a park full of husbands and wives walking around in the wild. Paying customers attend the park to see them frolicking across fields, enjoying picnics, and arguing. The park is a disastrous failure.

Hubby & Wifey: A Space Odyssey

Love

Kubrick film about a husband and wife in deep space bickering. Hal the computer attempts to intervene, but gets turned off.

The Good, The Bad and the Hubby & Wifey

Roses

Clint Eastwood stars in this cowboy film about how the wild, wild west also had plenty of normal couples who enjoyed a bit of peace and quiet.

Hubby & Wifey Club

Love

A film about marriage in crisis, where bored couples meet in pleasant middle-class living rooms to beat the living crap out of each other. Stars Brad Pitt and Damon Hill.

Raging Hubby & Wifey

Roses

Robert De Niro stars in this Martin Scorsese epic. It’s about a particularly angry married couple who take to the boxing ring to batter their frustrations out of each other.

The Sound of Hubby & Wifey

Love

Drama about a man living next door to a very loud husband and wife, leading to tensions and, inevitability, a nuclear explosion.

12 Angry Hubby & Wifeys

Roses

A dozen husband and wife combos meet up periodically to fume at each other (about each other). Contains “But he’s just so annoying!” 350 times.

Close Encounters of the Hubby & Wifey Kind

Love

 Richard Dreyfuss stars as an alien in this sci-fi classic, where he encounters many married people on his arrival on Earth. In a panic, he flees back to Jupiter. Good! Get back where you came from!

The Hubby & Wifey on the River Kwai

Roses

 Married life is blissful on the River Kwai. Until it blows up thanks to Alec Guiness (the river, not the marriage – they lived happily every after, although with severe PTSD after seeing a river blown to smithereens).

All Quiet on the Hubby & Wifey Front

Love

After a blazing row, this film spends 90 minutes in a house as a couple quietly fumes in separate rooms. Stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as the husband and wife.

Dawn of the Planet of the Hubby & Wifeys

Roses

An entire planet is inhabited by married folks who have pet names for each other. NASA has pledged never to stray within a million miles of the place.

A Fistful of Hubby & Wifeys

Love

A particularly aggressive band of husbands and wives tours around the wild, wild west. Punching anyone who gets in their way. For no reason, really. Just for a laugh.

And finally…

Crouching Tiger, Hubby & Wifey

Roses

Epic martial arts drama about tigers, crouching, and annoying pet names. Won no Oscars.

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