Films That Never Were: RoboPlop (immature version of RoboCop)

Public toilet signs for using the lavatory
Of course! They’ve been Terminated… sorry, we mean RoboCopped!

Paul Verhoeven’s RoboCop remains a gritty and satirical look at a disturbed future. One we seem perilously close to recreating here in 2020.

RoboPlop is the kids version, a film about a robotic lavatory inspector whom (yes, whom) is determined to ensure every toilet in the land is clean enough to recharge his batteries off.

RoboPlop

Arnold Schwarzenegger returns to pretending to be a robot in this low budget addition to the RoboCop series.

Riffing on his Kindergarten Cop chops, it sees Big Arnie tearing across America checking out motels, hotels, YMCAs, and shopping malls to ensure the toilets are sparkling clean.

RoboPlop is obsessed about public lavatories. And it will not rest until every public lavatory in America meets its exceptionally high standards!

Okay, so let’s lay down the plop… sorry, plot here so you can get the gist of the story.

It’s 2050 and toilets across Plopano Beach in Florida are a disgrace! Local law enforcement can’t handle the sheer scale of citizen complaints and unrest the situation is creating.

Genius inventor Dr. McPoopypants (Dolph Lundgren—who, aptly, does have a genius level IQ of 160) decides to take action.

So he heads out into the streets and kidnaps (don’t worry, this is a PG certificate film) local cheese salesman John Poopson (Schwarzenegger).

Dr. McPoopypants chloroforms the salesman and drags him off to his lavatory… sorry, laboratory. There he transforms the cheese salesman into a mighty mechanical monstrosity.

It’s RoboPlop! And its directives are to:

  • Locate clogged toilets.
  • Cleanse the land of clogged toilets.
  • Ensure every toilet in America is spotless.
  • Take any means necessary to ensure the cleanliness of every single toilet in America.

Armed with a plunger arm and bog brush protruding from its head, plus a bleach gun, RoboPlop obliterates the filthy toilets of Plopano Beach.

Its next task? The rest of America! Who’s going to stop it? Toilet making companies, the US Army, FBI, and pro-clogged toilet campaigners! That’s whom!

Best Bits

Okay, so the film was released in the summer of 2020 and it was a critical and commercial disaster.

Off its $200 million budget, it went on to make back $900,000 globally. Nevertheless, it still had some funny moments. Here are the best bits:

  • Toilet training: RoboPlop rounds up some toddlers and, at bog brush point, forces them to use toilets appropriately. This results in RoboPlop’s arrest for aggravating the peace and insulting minors.
  • Jail: Whilst in jail, RoboPlop is horrified to learn the toilets are a bit gross. It demands a total reform of the entire penal system in the US. Fat Kev, its cell mate in for 355 counts of clogged toilets, tells him to take a hike, dagnamit.
  • RoboDiapers: Dr. McPoopypants and RoboPlop work 24/7 to create a new line of smart diapers. Along with the Plop app, it tells wearers (it’s available for all ages) when they’ve fouled themselves, how bad the situation is, and how to clean themselves up in effective fashion.
  • American Football: RoboPlop polices the Neyland Stadium and almost short circuits upon sight of the toilets. Appalled, it storms the field mid-game to remonstrate with the 100,000 strong crowd. But it’s booed off by drunk Americans pelting it with bottles of beer.
  • Trump: Concerned the President’s surname may be giving off the wrong idea to American citizens, RoboPlop and Trump meet for a meeting at the White House. RoboPlop suggests the White House be painted brown to indicate the scale of the national toilet crisis. It also suggests the President waddle about in a giant diaper to set a good example. President Donald Trump immediately agrees to RoboPlop’s suggestions and hands it a Presidential Citizens Medal.

8 comments

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.