Want to keep fit? Want to eat at the same time!? Then the chopping board treadmill is the right contraption for you!
Choppo 1.0 is a fantastic device to aid in your weight loss goals. Read on for full details on the product that’ll transform your life forever more. Honest.
Keep Fit With Our Exclusive Chopping Board Treadmill
Baby, we were born to run. And chop. Our product proves this!
Whether you’re morbidly obese or just in need of shaving a few pounds off your Adonis frame, Choppo 1.0 is the exercise device you need.
In fact, we can proudly proclaim that without this device your entire life has been a dismal failure up until this point.
Just imagine how stupid and pathetic you’ve been all these years without it! Shocking, isn’t it?
How the Chopping Board Treadmill Works
There’s a simple three step process to keep you chopping and running.
- Arrange the foodstuffs you want to chop on the chopping board, which is mounted on the front of the treadmill next to the electronic display.
- Choose the running program of your choice and begin a steady jog, or full on sprint, or general canter.
- Grasp the razor-sharp blade of your choice in one hand and chop at the board between running on the spot.
It’s as easy as 1-2-3! Yes! Amazing! Imagine how great you’ll feel when you complete your workout totally knackered, but safe in the knowledge your food is ready to cook.
You’ll feel so great you’ll probably vomit in delight!
Health and Safety Measures
Of course, it’s important to ensure you don’t accidentally rupture a major artery whilst using Choppo 1.0.
During trial runs, our apprentice accidentally cut his left hand off during a 10,000 metre run whilst attempting to dice a red bell pepper.
He pleaded with us to call him an ambulance, but our esteemed editor and lead inventor (Mr. Wapojif) merely laughed and called the apprentice a “precious snowflake”.
Rest assured, the apprentice later made his own way to hospital, had his hand reattached, and has since quit the job (thusly confirming he is a precious snowflake!).
Anyway, and of course, this experience highlighted a few issues with Choppo 1.0 we’re *gritted teeth* legally obliged to inform you. These are:
- There’s a high possibility of cutting, slicing, or knicking yourself whilst cutting vegetables and running on the spot. Be aware of this.
- As you workout, there’s a strong possibility sweat will pour liberally from you and all over the food you’re preparing. Make sure anyone who’ll be eating the meal with you is okay with this state of affairs.
- Preparing raw meats whilst running is a nightmare. If it’s, for example, raw chicken you’ll be cutting away, then wiping sweat from your forehead, and generally risking food poisoning at every turn. That’s worth keeping an eye on.
- If you have servants/slaves, this product is an irrelevance.
Other than these minor issues, we’re happy to inform Choppo 1.0 is ready for purchase and it’s a fantastic addition to any lifestyle (that’s right, even lazy bastards).
Order Choppo 1.0 Today and Get a Free Turnip
At a mere £5,000 ($6,000), your home will look even better with the cool black steel of the chopping board treadmill sitting about the place blocking doorways etc.
Better yet, order yours today and you’ll get a:
- 1% discount!
- Free turnip!
- 1% discount on delivery charges!
Should you be in any way dissatisfied with the product, you can return it to us at a charge of only £1,000.