So you’re done up with Botox after visiting Dr. Bob’s Barmy Botox Boutique? Well, now you can show off your puffy new face at an exotic holiday destination!
Just in time for summer, Professional Moron has teamed up with Horrible Harry’s to provide YOU with THE holiday DEAL of a lifetime.
Simply enter BASTARD100 at the checkout and you’ll get a 1% discount! Here’s everything you need to know. Take it away, Harry!!
Horrible Harry’s: When It’s More an Ordeal Than a Holiday!
Hello. I’m Harry. My friends call me “Horrible Harry” or “The Bastard”.
Because at Horrible Harry’s Horrendous Holiday Hotspots, you get a crap holiday deal at dead extortionate prices.
We don’t give a toss about your wellbeing or customer satisfaction! So long as you give us hard cash, we’ll send you straight to the worst shit heaps across the world!
Because you’re sick to death of holidays sunbathing by the beach.
Variety is the spice of life! So, sign up with our tourism experience of a lifetime to see if you can make it home alive!
See the Shites!
Eiffel Tower? Statue of Liberty? Blackpool Pleasure Beach? Sod that lot!! You’ll see our pick from the great obscure tourist hotspots! Think along the lines of:
- Huge expanses of open sewers.
- The world’s greatest cesspits.
- Open bus tours of London’s homeless scumbags. Point and laugh until you drop!
- Eat some dodgy local food and get the runs.
- The world’s best beaches that are right next to sewers!
- Toilet roll production factory tours.
- Thrilling watching paint dry on walls therapy sessions!
Our holidays are so packed with horrific experiences you won’t be able to wait to get back home!
On all of our holidays you’re not allowed to use sun cream!
This’ll instil the feeling of a great time that you’ve had out in the sun, all while you peel layers off your red and weeping back!
No gross locals will hold you for ransom! Every member of your holiday party receives a fully automatic rifle to defend yourself!
Complimentary Fast Food!
Why try all that gross local food!? You’re there for the sun only, after all, so we’ll give you a complimentary burger and fries before you set off!
Pack Your Bags & Get Your Jabs!
At Horrible Harry’s, we know your holiday is the most important part of your year!
That’s why we go well out of our way to make your experience as horrendous as possible! We’re just goddamn nasty like that!
Once you’ve made your holiday booking with us, we’ll:
- Send a big bald bloke around to your house to punch you in the face and steal your bikini.
- Provide a free lilo lounger with a hole in it.
- Send you an offensive email with nasty names like, “Fuddy-duddy” and “Stupid face!”
- Leave your tickets right until the last minute so it’s debatable whether they’ll arrive in time for you.
And I, Horrible Harry, will personally stand outside your home the night before your holiday having a one-man party!
Yes, the day you have to do that 13 hour plane trip you’ll be too knackered to even get out of bed! Haha! Have a safe trip!