Welcome to Whiplash Wendy’s Wonderful Taxi Warehouse! Our motto is:
Book today for an instant quote! Fail to pay and we’ll grab you by the throat!
But before you book with us, here’s an arduous a legal disclaimer and business story to make you weep tears of joy about our corporate journey.
Wendy Smith ("Whiplash Wendy") was a taxi driver in London between 2001 and 2014 before opening her first taxi firm. During that time, she had 237 instances of customer-related whiplash due to her poor driving decisions. This led to her ban from all road vehicles. However, legally she was able to open a taxi service. This was a generic transportation business at first, but it soon became famous for the relentless cases of whiplash its customer suffered. Wendy immediately saw a gap in the market and created Whiplash Wendy's, which stands out in the market due to its 60% fare reduction in the event of a case of whiplash. Now business is booming as customers hedge their bets and hope for a taxi accident that'll slash UP TO HALF off their taxi journey! Call us today for a quote and see if you can get from A to B, all without injuring your knee (and neck)!
The Taxi Service Where You May Not End Up With Severe Whiplash!
Uber? FUBAR, more like! Who gives a toss about being on time when you can wave off your lateness due to “That blaster taxi company!” or some such!
Simply give us a call and we’ll turn up whenever we bloody well feel like it!
Oh, but you want a taxi at your palace in Kensington at 5pm sharp? It’s yours, but it’ll be there at 7:23pm and the driver may be inebriated!
How to Book Your Journey
Booking with Whiplash Wendy’s could be easier!
But we’re not investing in simplifying our processes just yet, because Wendy wants to earn £10 million a year. So, gotta be stringent with that budget!
As it stands, we don’t have an app. But you can call us direct on 020 2002 0202 20020 02020 20000 2020 02.
Once through to our call centre, you’ll have to deal with a belligerent bellend on the other end of the line half-arsing his role.
Then you’re all set! Just sit back, relax, and your ride will turn up eventually.
How to Hail a Whiplash Wendy Taxi
Alternatively, feel free to hail down a Whiplash Wendy cab whenever you spot one.
Our brand is easy to spot! Other than our unforgettable logo, you’ll regularly see roadkill and blood splattered all over the bonnet of the taxi.
Simply stuck a fist into the air, scream “Taxi!”, and hope to bejeezus the bastard doesn’t mow you down.
Legal Disclaimer: Don’t Try And Cause An Accident!
On a final note, if you (and several others) attempt to make the taxi crash during your journey, that’s just really not on.
Like, you know, a proper bad egg bit of no no right there, thank you very much.
You have to earn that 60% discount. And your chances of claiming it will rise with each and every Whiplash Wendy’s journey.
So book today and contribute to the great British economy!
The more of our customers we can send off to the NHS, the more the NHS will need to rely on taxi services to send knackered staff into work.
Thusly, this nefarious plan will see the likes of Whiplash Wendy’s Wonderful Taxi Warehouse dominating the London transportation market! Ha. Haha. AHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Isn’t that 020 2002 0202 20020 02020 20200 2020 02?
NO! Look, it’s there in the sales pitch!! 020 2002 0202 20020 02020 20000 2020 02. Why is this confusing!?