DO YOU WANT DATES… WITH PEOPLE?! Welcome to Disastrous Doreen’s Demented Dating Department! We’ve got people! And dates!
Since launching our Disastrous Dating app in 2019, millions of people across the world have failed to find love, become embroiled in bitter acrimony, and tried to sue us!
But don’t take their word for it! Download the COMPLETELY FREE (as opposed to partially free) app TODAY to start your journey towards a hellish encounter!
Dating Dementia Awaits!
Now that you’ve got our app and are literally shaking with anticipation to get online dating, here are some tips on filling out your profile!
Find Your Perfect Partner!
During our 400 step profile creation process, you’ll be commanded to fill out highly intimate details about your dating preferences!
Weed out the maniacs and softbois by answering never ending, relentless reams of tedious questions such as:
- Should you have pineapple on a pizza?
- Is inequality right or wrong?
- Do you like golf?
- Is it wrong for a woman to kick a man in the testicles?
- Have you ever robbed an old age pensioner?
- Do you like clams?
- Do you like clogs?
- Should Russia merge with China to become Chussia?
After completing all 400 questions, you’ll be fully primed to meet your match in our Demented Database!
Flag Up Your Foibles!
Don’t be afraid to show the real you! Everyone has foibles, so flag those SOBs up to show flashes of humility (whether it’s false modesty or not)!
The more honest you are, the more you’ll weed out people who don’t fit with your worldview.
So, no matter how berserk your moral values are… flag ’em up! Let your potential dates know:
- Exactly why you don’t like bald men.
- Whether you love, or loathe, Marmite.
- Why you TORTURE people who like pineapple on pizza.
- Why you think poor people should hang.
- What you’re like behind your social media persona (i.e. a terrifying, crazed bastard!).
Remember, the real love of your life will look past your foibles and accept the real you! Either that or they’re mindlessly in lust enough to ignore your chronic flaws to indulge in their ego fantasy.
Either way, once they’ve fallen in love with you it’s entirely up to you whether you tolerate them, turf them to one side, or string them on for months or years for a laugh.
Get a Free Date With Your Date!
The Demented Doreen promise is you’ll get a COMPLETELY FREE date with EVERY date you go on!
Each date will be delivered within an hour of your real date by special delivery from a leading delivery company! With this date, you can either:
- Consume it on the spot with much relish.
- Offer the date to your date as way of a gift.
- Use the date as a self-defense weapon should your date go horribly wrong (e.g. jam the date up your date’s nose).
The more dates you go on, the more dates you’ll get! You’ll never have to go shopping for dates again*! Yes!
* Should you choke to death on the date (before, during, or after your date) you will be entered into Demented Doreen’s Dating Book of the Dead as commemoration.