If you’ve joined NASTY (the world’s worst space program) and you’re lost deep in space, you’ll want to get your nails done! At Nina’s Nebula Nail Bar & Space Station, you can do JUST THAT!

Dock for a relaxed time of pedicures, manicures, and all manner of bizarre alien treatments we specialise in! And we PROMISE not to suck your brains from your body or anything!

That’s right, it doesn’t get more relaxing and satisfying than Nina’s Nebula Nail Bar! Where you can get your nails done without the fear or a horrifying death!

Meet Nina: The Universe’s BEST Nail Bar Boss

“ME NINA! ME DO NAILS! ME NOT DEVOUR YOU OR RIP HEAD FROM BODY! COMPANY PROMISE!”

Nina has 3,742,001 years’ experience as a slobbering alien lunatic overlord… we mean, definite nail bar owner and nothing else.

Her favourite hobby isn’t ripping human heads off from human bodies. It’s doing people’s nails and singing sea shanties! This is her favourite:

What will we do with a drunken sailor?
What will we do with a drunken sailor?
What will we do with a drunken sailor?
Rip his head from his human body and devour it nom-nom-nom!

She’s joined at the intergalactic space station by her apprentice Simone, plus her pet Berserkatron (the green one).

Simone is a parasitical being prone to attaching herself to human skulls, boring holes into them, and sucking the brains straight out.

However, we realise this isn’t a popular pastime for human beings and so Simone has a clause in her contract of employment to ensure she doesn’t do this. For further reassurance, here’s her promise from us… to you!

“BRAINS! BRAINS! GIVE ME HUMAN BRAINS! I MUST SLURP THEM ALL UP! AHAHAHAHAHA!”

Her pet, Berserkatron, is a super-strength primitive being who relies on blunt force trauma to express his emotional range. This includes:

• Happiness: Smashing your skull against a wall
• Joy: Flinging you bodily across rooms
• Anger: Scratching his butt
• Sadness: Decimating societies
• Disgust: Baking a nice, tasty cake
• Fear: Sunbathing without suntan lotion

To book in with our exceptional team of nail bar experts, simply land your spacecraft at our space station and head on over. We’re open 24/7!

Once again, we promise not to immediately lay waste to your very being. We would NEVER do that.

We want really good TrustPilot reviews and recognise shredding customers limb from limb will promote nothing but negative reviews.

Nina’s Nebula Nail Bar Treatments

At Nina’s Nebula Nail Bar & Space Station you can find the VERY BEST nail treatments in the WHOLE of the UNIVERSE!

Make no mistake, getting spruced up with us is the best thing you’ll ever do! Our treatments include:

• Manicures
• Pedicures
• Mud baths
• Blood baths
• Brain slurping
• Ripping your head from your body
• Devouring you whole (nom-nom-nom)
• Unspeakably awful parasitical trauma

And we have the best prices in the Universe… GUARANTEED*! So, come on down to Nina’s Nail Bar today and get your nails done!

You can even pet Berserkatron! Just please do so at your own risk as he often misconstrues petting as a statement of intent for all-out intergalactic war.

*Disclaimer: Due to the vastness of the cosmos, we cannot claim with 100% certainty we provide the best prices in the Universe. We mean, there is probably some other nail bar in another galaxy offering better prices. We guarantee it just because, you know, it is a common marketing pitch. We really just want humans to turn up based on the pretence of cheap, cheap prices so we can slurp their brains and devour them. Luckily, we do not think anyone has noticed this devious plan thus far.