Whether you want orbital, suborbital, or lunar space tourism with your unruly and screaming kids, we’ve got you covered!

NOTHING screams, “WE’RE ALL GOING ON A, SUMMER HOLIDAY!” quite like blasting out of the Earth’s atmosphere at seven miles a second whilst G forces pin your faces back into your seats.

No child will be whining “Are we nearly there yet?!” as you leave the Earth’s orbit and begin your perilous journey into deep space! Space tourism is BONKERS!

Into Limitlessness, and AFAR With Temper Tantrum Travels

When it comes time to plan your summer holidays, you may think of taking your family to far-flung destinations like Paris, Bermuda, Florida, or Bolton of Greater Manchester.

And you think that because you are a dunce.

Instead of being a dunce, NOW is the TIME to embrace SPACE TOURISM. And with Temper Tantrum Travels you and your family can blast into the cosmos to gaze majestically at:

• The Moon
• Jupiter (and its many moons)
• The Sun
• Saturn (and its glorious rings)
• Neptune
• The Asteroid Belt
• The Edge of the Universe
• Uranus

Nothing can compare to happy family memories like staring out of a spaceship portal and whispering in wonder, “Look… it’s Uranus, son!”

And your son will exude excitedly, “Holy shit, dad!”

And you shall then chastise your child for the use of foul language, for that is forbidden on ALL of our Temper Tantrum Travels packages.

The Temper Tantrum Travels Packages

It doesn’t matter if you’re a working class scumbag or an overprivileged, upper class dipshit. With Temper Tantrum Travels, we’ve got budget packages for everyone.

And by “budget”… we mean it’ll really, really help if your obscenely rich. Here are the packages available to you:

• Ultra-Budget: For the laziest amongst you with little to no money. For a week-long trek around the Earth, with a trip to the Moon and back, this’ll ONLY set you back £3 million!
• Semi-Budget: Middle-class? Like some avocado on toast, do you? Enjoy so in space with a waltz around Jupiter and a tour of the asteroid belt! ONLY at £20 million!
• Budget: Worked harder than everyone else, eh? Celebrate your superior work ethic with a tour of the Universe. And for a measly £50 million it’s all yours!

Whatever you pick, your kids will LOVE it! And on every space mission in a state-of-the-art spaceship, you’ll be accompanied by Eric. He’s the official cuddly Temper Tantrum Travels mascot!

Eric is Your Friendly Guide!

While Eric don’t take no shit from no one, he’s also a terrifically friendly guide here to help you on your holiday!

Yes, it’s a man in a suit… but your kids won’t know that!

All of our mascot representatives are trained to the point of lunacy in following our brand message. And these crazy bastards won’t stand for any of your kids and their temper tantrums! Including tantrumming about:

• Being sleepy and/or tired
• Something frustrating (i.e. the relentless, unstoppable nihilism brought about by space’s impossible expanse)
• Getting hungry
• Annoying things their sister/brother has done
• Whether you’re nearly there yet or not

Eric is great with kids! With a mighty roar and chest thumping fury, his psychotic glare alone will be enough to subdue even the most voluble child.

That’s right! No temper tantrums! For in space, no one can hear you scream! Thanks for that one Alien poster in 1979! And that’s all down to Eric. And the vacuum of space.

And the AWE (and occasional boredom) brought about due to things such as the continuous, remorseless distances involved in space travel.

You’ll have a blast! Book today to drive yourself into financial ruin!