The Last of Us is the TV show of the moment. But there aren’t enough adverbs in it. As such, we’ve created spin-off dystopian zombie franchise The Last of Thus.

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as the lead character, and ex-F1 driver Damon Hill as his co-star (for his acting debut), the show is about a dystopian society where adverbs such as “thus” are outlawed.

The ban led to global rioting from adverb enthusiasts, international wars, and a post-war world overrun with mutated, irradiated zombies hellbent on consuming adverbial knowledge. Guaranteed Emmy winner right here!

The End of Adverbs in The Last of Thus

Much like Rebels Without a Subordinate Clause before it, and Buffy the Ampersand Slayer, The Last of Thus continues on a modern theme of surprisingly unpopular TV shows based on pedantic grammatical interests you’d think only book nerds would like.

And, actually, that seems to be the problem. Studios spending $200 million on grammar nerd productions a small sect of society gives a toss about.

As The Last of Thus once again confirmed, as its first season was a critical and commercial disaster. Viewing figures plunged to as low as 125 people by the fifth episode, with these abysmal ratings blamed purely on Damon Hill’s atrocious performance as the female character Ellie. One critic noted:

“Damon Hill may well be the 1996 Formula One World Champion, but he is certainly not equipped (physically or with the acting talent) to convincingly portray a teenage girl. I found myself watching the first few episodes confidently announcing to myself, ‘I must say, I most certainly AM NOT drawn into this experience as I simply cannot buy that bloke is a supposed to be Ellie. Whomever cast him is a preposterous buffoon!’ Thus, ironically given the show’s title, I’ve found myself using many adverbs to express my excessive irritation with The Last of Thus’ many failings.”

Typical episode structures involve Schwarzenegger and Hill running around deserted cities to the backdrop of smoky rubble and explosions.

Zombies also abound, as do mutated and enormous copies of dictionaries and thesauruses, both of which (feeling betrayed) attack humans on sight for abandoning the commonplace usage of adverbs such as:

• Always
• Usually
• Sometimes
• Generally
• Rarely
• Seldom

The abandonment of seldom is felt particularly hard in The Last of Thus. It’s a running theme across the first season that begs viewers to ask the difficult question—where would you be in life without being able to use seldom!?

Whilst such horrifying existential considerations, you’d think, should have led to tens of millions of viewers, the reality was the show was cancelled and removed from air after seven episodes.

It was replaced by re-runs of Saved by the Bull.

Does The Last of Thus’ Failure Confirm the Lowbrow Future of Society and the Continued Use of Adverbs?

Love them or hate them, adverbs are usually here to stay. But the failure of The Last of Thus has led many leading linguistic experts to theorise the show’s end confirms humanity is heading towards a future of too many adverbs.

Dr. Seldom Closely, senior lecturer of linguistics at Grammar University, told Professional Moron in an exclusive interview:

“The reality is adverbs are worse than the plague. They rear up in popularity sporadically and infect society with weak writing. If, like some pathetic wastrel of a philistine, you simply must use adverbs then consider lofty examples of them. Such as hither, thither, whither, hence, thence, and whence.

For me, and I watched The Last of Thus with a sense of total disgust, I can only fear for a future where mass adverbial use is totally out of control and always in overuse. What does this mean for humanity? Poor writing. That, inevitability, will lead to people debasing themselves by cutting corners and taking the easy route with their writing.

Before you know it, ChatGPT and AI will take over and robots will be writing ‘great art’ for us instead of humans. The future for the written word is so bleak it makes me want to work in sewer so I can blot out the sunlight right now in preparation of those ghastly, beastly days.”

Since the above interview, we believe Dr. Seldom Closely has quit his role at Grammar University and now works in a sewer mopping up filth.

We suggest you all reading this follow suit. The Last of Thus will stand as a turning point in history. The moment the robots won, relegating humans to the role of clearing up our filth like the putrid peasants we well and truly are.