The only thing in life more certain than death is noodles. That’s why at Death & Noodles Afterlife Bar you can get both AT THE SAME TIME!
If you’re dead, but still want some noodles (don’t we all?!), then spend your time in the afterlife with a bowl of chicken pad Thai noodles.
All while Death leads you into the next life, his scythe glinting in the moonlight while noodle splatter covers your favourite jumper.
Death & Noodles Makes For Tasty Funerals
Nothing is more tedious than a life without noodles. The ancient haiku, from an unknown noodle master, reads:
“Life with no noodles,
Is as poor as no poodles.
If you’re dead, then check in immediately at Death & Noodles. We’re only the 37th noodle-based emporium in Death Square, in the city centre of Death.
But we’re the ONLY one Death itself frequents!
All you have to do is enter our store, say hello to Death (he’s usually perched on a tall bar stool aimlessly emptying noodles down his bony, emaciated throat—of course, they all splatter on the floor and we have to clean it up after it leaves), and order your noodles!
You the consume your noodles, safe and sound in the knowledge you’re dead (but no longer hungry).
It’s a glorious entry to the Land of the Dead! Noodles. Death. Scythes. Exorbitant city centre foodstuff prices. And you’ll probably get mugged later, too. Then you should get more noodles to recuperate!
The Death & Noodles Menu
Death & Noodles maintains a largely noodles-based menu. It includes:
- Oodles of noodles.
- Pot noodle sandwiches.
Please note, spaghetti isn’t served at Death & Noodles. We apologise for any inconvenience this causes.
Please note again, anyone who accidentally attends Death & Noodles while they’re still alive can order from our special undead menu. From this, you can choose how you wish to be executed. Options include:
- Beheading (guillotine).
- Being fired from a cannon into a wall.
- Death by noodle.
Do note, death by noodle will mean you continuously eat noodles until you are dead. Essentially, this is an all-you-can-eat buffet kind of deal. Just one that’s certain to result in your demise.
But never fear!
Once you’re dead, you’ll re-enter The Land of the Dead and you can visit us here at Death & Noodles for your first post-death meal!
And guess what!? If you’re eaten here before while undead… you get a 10% discount!
Death & Noodles’ Food Hygiene Certificate
Death & Noodles has a 0 star rating for food hygiene in The Land of the Dead—the best possible rating for any restaurant.
While some food, such as chunk of chicken, will be served to your undercooked this will be of no concern. As you are already, thusly making food poisoning a pointless irrelevance.
Additionally, the many rats rampaging across the noodle bar are of no concern to you. They may carry horrific diseases but, again, you are already dead. As such, any complaints will be treated with a deft wave of our hand in general annoyance.
If the rats and food poisoning are good enough for Death itself, then they are good enough for you, too.