Learn to pole vault with a 70% CHANCE OF SURVIVAL in your first session! Pole vaulting is a VITAL LIFE SKILL that’ll help you navigate crucial obstacles such as:

• Career developments (such as pole vaulting related roles)
• Relationships (such as marriage decisions)
• How to overcome wide gaps (such as big ditches)
• Sort of mastering the use of chopsticks (they’re kind of similar)

Please note, we’re legally obliged to point out pole vaulting is an UTTERLY USELESS LIFE SKILL on our marketing paraphernalia.

That’s the legal statement. BUT WE DO NOT AGREE WITH IT. Pole vaulting is THE MOST IMPORTANT LIFE SKILL ever oh bloody hell yes and you should book lessons with us NOW.

Pole Vault Your Way to Success In Work, Relationships, and Overcoming Big Ditches

If you ever watched that cult classic B movie Tremors (1990) then you’ll (maybe) remember that makeshift pole vaulting scene that saved Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, and Finn Carter’s (respective) backsides.

Not that you’re likely to have to ever deal with an onslaught of giant killer underground worms in your life, but what you WILL face is the likes of:

• Job interviews
• Proposing
• HUGE DITCHES!
• Daily working life
• Commuting
• Dropping a chopstick on the floor, not wanting to use it, and needing a suitable replacement to continue eating sushi

POLE VAULTING will help you overcome ALL of those life struggles and MANY MORE so you must book your first session immediately.

Our classes are available men and women, but we’re casually sexist and generally favour men turning up as we believe we’re here to support blokes through life with the help of bizarre activities such as launching yourself over horizontal poles high up in the air via the use of what’s essentially a giant, bendy toothpick.

Become a real man TODAY with our classes where you’ll learn the basics! Such as:

• Managing to not shatter your ankles on your first attempt.
• Managing to not shatter your kneecaps on your second attempt.
• Managing to not shatter your face on your third attempt.
• Surviving your first class in general.

And we have a SUPERB survival rating of 70%! That’s right! 70% of first time pole vaulters survive their first class with us. You can’t FAULT statistics like that!

Book Your Class to Leverage Pole Vaulting in Day-to-Day Life

Pole vaulting is ABSOLUTELY helpful tool in navigating daily challenges. You can store a pole in your bag (or just carry it around with you) and in the event you come across a giant chasm you can pole vault right over it!

This would enable you to arrive at work when other non-pole vaulting types would be left stuck, stranded, and incapable of attending work.

You’re the saviour of the economy, dear pole vaulter!

Your special skill set will also ensure you can deal with other potentially harrowing situations. Such as, but not limited to:

• Walking along and finding a big sinkhole and using your pole vault to overcome the thing.
• Whacking vagabonds around the head with the pole.
• That’s probably about it.

Now that you’ve been brainwashed with our superb marketing spiel, come on down to the Pole Vaulting Centre in Wigan, Lancashire, to take part in your first class.

AND GUESS WHAT?!

If you should shatter your ankles in your first class YOU’LL GET A 10% DISCOUNT FOR YOUR SECOND CLASS! We’ll even call the ambulance for you each time COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE!

We’re POLES apart from every other pole vaulting centre in the UK, so book today as shattered ankles are only a hop, skip, and a pole vault away!