LUCKY LADIES! Here is another batch of handsome hunks to drool over in TAKE 2 of our lonely hearts of 2025 things. Plenty of fine geezers below, so pick your preferred box, let us know, and we’ll set you up with your dreamboat man bloke.

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Box 1: Not Like Other Guys Norman, 34, Manchester

• Hobbies: Not being like other guys
• Ambitions: To create a society of Normans whom are not like other guys
• Looking for: A woman who isn’t squeamish or weird about double dating

I’m not like other guys. Now, I know you’ve probably heard that before but, really, 110%, I’m not like other guys. This is because I’m an amateur scientist and I’ve grown a second head with functioning brain for myself. I attached this to my body last week and Norman Jnr. is a delight to be around! We are, quite literally, inseparable with Norman Jnr. attached to my right shoulder. He speaks with a strong cockney accent (unlike me, I am from The North) and is crude and obnoxious, often shouting insults at anyone whom he sees in the street. If you want to date me and Norman Jnr., we enjoy the:

• Cinema
• Theatre
• Fine arts
• McDonald’s fast food restaurant in central Manchester

Rest assured, when we’re married, if anyone wets the bed… you can bet your bottom dollar it’s Norman Jnr. and NOT ME. Hahahaha.

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Box 2: Norman Jnr., Manchester

• Hobbies: Shouting obscenities
• Ambitions: To one day have my own body so I can go and rob a bank
• Looking for: Hot birds

Hi I’m Norman Jnr., currently a disembodied head attached to my creator Norman. He’s a dreadful sack of shite and I can’t stand the sight of him. So I’m looking for some fit bird to marry, while also having my eye on getting a body for myself. That way I can go and lead my life away from this dickhead Norman. When I have my body I’ll go off and rob a bank, then I’ll be loaded, can move to Barbados, and be a lecherous and obnoxious Brit abroad. WAHEY!

Until then, I’m stuck on Norman’s shoulder and don’t have any free will over his general movements. Angry about this, it is true I have an anger management problem and regularly shout insults at people. Sorry not sorry tbh, I am what I am.

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Box 3: What is Love, 50, Blackburn

• Hobbies: What is Love by Haddaway
• Ambitions: What is Love
• Looking for: Haddaway

Hi I’m Derek and my favourite song is What is Love by Hadaway. I’ve listened to it 761,231 times and plan to double that before I die of a chronic smoking habit I have little control over. If you like What is Love, Haddaway, and fags, you and me will get on like a house on fire. WHAT IS LOVE!?!

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Box 4: I Need Bags of Cement, 57, Bolton of Greater Manchester

• Hobbies: Cement
• Ambitions: Building stuff with cement
• Looking for: MORE CEMENT

Hi I’m Barry and I’m a builder. I need cement. Bags of the stuff. I’m asking for stuff wherever I can find and figured this place was as good as any. If we go on a date you know what to do love (bring cement bags with you).

 

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Box 5: USER REMOVED

[This account was suspended due to the user listing their favourite band as The Foo Fighters.]

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Box 6 : Wikipedia Editor William, 41, Skegness

• Hobbies: Editing Wikipedia
• Ambitions: To be the person whom has edited the most Wikipedia pages since time began
• Looking for: An assistant and wife

Hello I am William. I am a serial Wikipedia page editor having, thus far in mine life, edited some 34,125 Wikipedia pages. My favourite page, the one for which I am most proud, is the Wikipedia page on rabies, of which I have an extreme and inexplicable interest, to which I have contributed much alarming information. My last girlfriend left me because I spent three months researching and editing the rabies page. She shouted at me, “IT’S ME OR THE RABIES PAGE, WILLIAM!” I chose the rabies page… perhaps I was wrong? Well, maybe, but that is for you to prove me right, next partner in waiting, for I seek a wife and want babies (babies, not rabies). All of you will help me edit the rabies page and we’ll be the most famous Wikipedia family (and a rabies-free one at that) in the world.

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Box 7: Rabies Ronald, 55, Kent

• Hobbies: Rabies
• Ambitions: To get rabies
• Looking for: A woman and/or animal with rabies

Hello I are Ronald and I want rabies so I can have an viable excuse for not having to not go into work. So, you got rabies or not? If you do contact me and, like… bite me on the leg or whatever. I will not press charges. Ta.

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Box 8: Whoopee cushion Warren, 75, Winchester

• Hobbies: Whoopee cushions
• Ambitions: Scatological hilarity
• Looking for: A woman

Hello I’m Warren and I’m a retired business owner and live on a 10 acre stretch of land with a mansion packed full of whoopee cushions. My ex-wife of 50 years left me in 2024 due to my “immaturity”, but I called her a “silly old woman” and flipped her the middle finger and laughed like an idiot LOL!

Whilst it is true I can be immature for my years, more importantly I know how to have FUN. That is why I have amassed a collection of 135,000 whoopee cushions. Many are blown up and placed around my giant mansion for visitors, clients, slaves, and servants to sit on and toot. Hahaha! It’s 24/7 hilarity at my place!

As such, please get in touch. We can meet up and determine if immediate marriage plans are the ideal course of action. GSOH essential.

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Box 9: Chippy Steve, 61, Wigan

• Hobbies: Running a chippy
• Ambitions: To keep running a chippy
• Looking for: Babes

Hello I’m Chippy Steve. Run a chippy for near enough 40 year me and me arms are scalded red with endless oil burns and the like. That’s what you get when you date a real man like me. Oil and potatoes. Lots and lots of oil and potatoes all over the bloody place. Last missus slipped on the oil one too many a time so dumped me. Cow! So I are back looking for babes who don’t mind a diet of fish & chips and constipation.

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Box 10: Love From Prison, 24, Manchester

• Hobbies: Being in prison
• Ambitions: To get out of prison
• Looking for: Someone to break me out of prison

I’m Charlie and I’m in prison for armed robbery, not paying parking tickets, cheating in me exams at GCSE level, and a couple of other minor things. Prison is a fun enough lark, but I fancy dating someone from the “outside” who can bring me stuff like Cadbury Creme Eggs and Wagon Wheel biscuits. Thems me favourites!

Oh yeah, by the way I was also a drug dealer and I murdered a bunch of people… I’m really on okay guy though just look past my anger management issues, habit of drool, and communication preference through screaming.