To All the Bobs One Hath Loved Before: Great Books That Never Were 💌

To All the Bobs One Hath Loved Before romance book

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a young adult romance work from 2014. Written by Jenny Han, it’s a book about boys, love, being a teenager, more boys, and stuff like that.

But did you know there was a 1914 work of similar themes? To All the Bobs One Hath Loved Before was a memoir by Dame Rebecca Jane Margaret Tootle-Pip Monarch III.

The great lady had a long, long history of dating and/or marrying men called Bob. That moving memoir tells her weird story, complete with much austere sneering at DISGUSTING LAZY poor people.

Pontificating on To All the Bobs I’ve Loved Before

Written when the dame was 84 years of age, her memoir reflects on the many Bobs that had “infected” (her words, not ours) her life since the 19th century.

“The first Bob one met was in the summer of 1840 when the Tootle-Pip clan was, and were, embracing the glorious joys of summer by loafing about and being so merry. This First Bob piqued one’s interest, that was until later that day when one met several further Bobs during a dinner party event hosted by one’s parental figures. Over subsequent weeks, some semblance of non-Bob-based reality did not return, for one met a further 135 Bobs in various situations. My infatuation was born.”

The dame pledged to dedicate her life to any man called Bob.

“One shall serve him totally and dutifully as a servant of God, Bob, and my general patriarchal need to rely on a male figure to fund the lavish lifestyle one expects; nae, demands.”

Literary scholars have documented in To All the Bobs One Hath Loved Before that the dame met at least 35,000 men called Bob in her life. Certainly up until age 84, but as she eventually lived to 101 it’s believed she may have added a further 20,000 meetings to that listed.

This makes Dame Rebecca Jane Margaret Tootle-Pip Monarch III the most prolific Bob-based fancier in all of human history—a remarkable achievement.

Not that the book is any good. We generally find it rather boring and, to be even more honest, quite insulting to all the men of the world not called Bob. She writes in chapter 79 whilst documenting Bob number 345:

“Men not called Bob (non-Bobs) one considers to be beastly and vile. Why would a man choose any other name? A man by any other name would be putrid to the nose. One refrains from gazing upon any other man, lest he be lacking in the namesake of which one seeks to exist.”

A curious work, then, and one very flattering for those men of a particular name. Otherwise, we’d class the book as a redundant run of pages filled with dithering.

2025 Re-Release and Subsequent Acclaim, Movie, and Scandal

The work was quite popular in its day, but its recent re-release has caused a scandal across the UK that resulted in at least three men called Bob being punched in the face.

A huge book launch took place in London, with many Z list celebrities attending to pretend they gave a damn about the book.

However, public reaction to it was lukewarm and/or violent. Many felt the book favours people called Bob and, as some journalists correctly pointed out, not every human male can be of possession of that name.

Riots commenced in June of 2025 and didn’t stop for weeks, after which the book was removed from sale and all remaining copies were burned in a giant fire. Ironically, the man who lit the match was called Bob. He said: