British Summer Explained For Everyone (Including British People)

A British gentleman attempting to handle a summer heatwave

The Brits abroad! Think of it like a scene from The Madness of King George (1994) alongside unrelenting sunburn and football hooliganism.

Yes, it’s a British summer! And we get them in the UK, too! In mighty England, for example, we have a few heatwaves every year during summer.

Guess what happens? Mayhem! Hurray, it’s the wrong type of snow all over again. But with heat instead of God’s dandruff.

How the Brits Handle Summer

England’s barmy army will treat any heatwave in the way it treats its politics. The better said about that the better.

But the things you can guarantee during the summer are as follows:

  • Clothes coming off at the slightest hint of sunshine (even if it’s still freezing cold outside)
  • Wandering around in just underpants like you’re in Barbados
  • Reeking BO guys leaning off veg aisles in Tesco
  • Drunken merriment
  • Complaining about it being too hot

The reality is, we’re best as a nation when it’s on the verge of raining and the temperatures are cool. It allows condensation to build-up around windows, you see?

As us Brits love a bit of condensation. You know? Actually, it reminds us of that bit with Michael Palin from Ripping Yarns. Precipitation, you know? Drizzle.

This all means summer comes around each year with great anticipation from British people wanting some “good weather for a change”.

Then the heat arrives and everyone starts complaining.

No one can sleep. Everyone gets sticky from sweat. Fatigue kicks in. Everyone gains weight as they turn to booze to alleviate their issues. The general lust turns to the return of autumn and winter.

And this happens year in, year out.

We tend to forget about it, of course. As when the first hints of summer spring up in late May everyone is there ready and salivating for the whole experience to start again.

A beam of sunlight is spotted on a 5° Celsius day.

Then you’ll see at least 17 chavs strutting down the road with their tops ripped off, bopping about from side to side like they own the road.

And that’s because they do own the road. They’re British, after all. By definition, the British Empire means we own everything. Deal with it.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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