British Summer Explained For Everyone (Including British People)

British cows have evolved to avoid British mud, the latter brought on by adverse weather.
British cows have evolved to avoid British mud, the latter brought on by adverse weather.

A quick post today about British summer and cows. Trying to understand the former is akin to understanding the latter, which is to write this: pointless. Despite cows being confusing, they’re everywhere in England. Now some eagle brained people out there may postulate the above picture is of a horse (note the long, horse-like tail of yore). You’re wrong, dimwits. British cows have evolved a lot after centuries of adverse weather conditions, the need to salute Royalty, and due to the demands of polite British society. Naturally, to appear as elegant as their horse counterparts, cows evolved mane like tails in an attempt to appear more useful to upper class posh sorts. They’re also much more intelligent than cows in other nations, and it’s not uncommon to see cows strolling through English cities such as Manchester, Nottingham, London, Portsmouth, Skegness, Chorley, and Paris in search of the latest fashionable footwear. Why do they want this? To look well else whilst standing around in fields all day. That’s why. Behold the image above for proof of this – at Professional Moron we never lie, dammit!

Anyway, this is what’s happened in the British summer of 2014: Mother Nature has decided to skip June and will probably let summer begin in a few weeks. This means it’s almost July and it’s cloudy and rainy, with the odd sunny spell. As Mr. Wapojif writes this, it’s begun HEAVING it down with rain outside.Frightened? So you ruddy well should not be! This is your average summer here, and although we had a heatwave of sorts last year, Mr. Wapojif is expecting snow and hurricanes within the next few weeks. Being someone who prefers a cooler climate, Mr. Wapojif will be sprinting through Manchester city centre screaming about scones and marmalade should this great British tradition be quashed!

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