Deodorant is great. Without deodorant humanity would have succumbed to extinction decades ago – the stifling stench of BO would have stifled everyone in one great big stifle. This is a fact as proven by the work of eminent scientist Sir Stephen Hawking, whose postulations on Black Holes prove they exist merely to pull all the stench from humans out of existence. This is how bad we all stink.
All hail deodorant then, which was invented by Mrs. Dee Odorante in 1950 following a pledge by numerous international governments to alleviate the bad smell. Mrs. D. Odorante duly obliged, and thusly we had deodorant.
It consists of, admittedly, putrid smelling harsh substances which are lethal if you breathe them in. Good, eh? Luckily the spray residue is edible (NB: Deodorant is not edible – do not eat it in any form).
We found this out as students when, bored of eating Beans on Toast for every meal 3 years straight, we invented Deodorant Sandwiches. Now we’ve patented it, packaged it, and they’ll be in stores near you with the name: “Deodorant Snadwich: Possibly Not Fatal If Consumed!”.
There are two problems with this title. The first is our food manufacturer inadvertently produced 500,000 of our sandwiches bearing the legend “Snadwich”. This typo is unfortunate, but negotiable (we’re yet to figure out how). What’s also unfortunate are government guidelines, which require us to highlight the highly toxic nature of our creation.
The only way our marketing bods could legally spin this is with a “Possibly” before the rest of the statement. Whilst we lament this unreasonable demand, we are pleased with all the negative press we’re receiving from the world’s media. As “they” say, all publicity is good publicity. Bone appetite!