In Praise of Brussels Sprouts!

Brussels Sprouts
They’re green, they’re mean, they’re keen, they’re not a spleen, they’re Brussels Sprouts!

Brussels sprouts get a rotten time of it in the media and food world. Vegetables in general do, for whatever reason. We don’t get it – vegetables are ace. They’re also extremely good for you, so quit your grumbling and eat the bloody things for once, will you!? Go on! And this includes almighty Brussels sprouts.

The ridicule is unnecessarily harsh. It’s like throwing mud at a cow – the cow will stoically take the mud beating, but inside it’s growing increasingly agitated and wondering if it should bolt in panic. Not that sprouts can run off anywhere, of course, because most vegetables don’t have legs (except for runner beans), but sprouts are stoic. They are the vegetable world’s equivalent of a cow, and today we want to honour this. Moo!

Sprouts: Where it all went Wrong

Sprouts are associated with Christmas and it seems, for many people, the only time of year they’ll eat sprouts is during the month of December. A lot of people probably think it’s illegal to eat them at any other time of year! Why? Because these sorts are fussy eaters, and fussy eaters are as bad as the aliens in Independence Day. Which is to indicate pure bad.

Sprouts are like most other vegetables, of course. Green and kind of funny looking. They’re small table tennis ball sized things which are, admittedly, utterly inedible when raw, but once cooked have a kind of potent otherworldliness about them. This is possibly why they have a bad reputation, as they can be dry.

So what? Chicken and turkey can be a bit dry, but no one launches vindictive smear campaigns against them! Sprouts have to endure the harshest of criticisms in the unjustified circumstances. We all know a lot of vegetables are a bit plain raw – this is the joy of other ingredients! Combine away to make something glorious.

Making Sprouts Glorious

We beseech to you to this Christmas to not ignore the humble sprout, but to turn to it in a moment of, for instance, reflection. You may, for another instance, be slightly wasted at the dinner table, and the world may be swaying before you in double vision. Hark! Don’t head towards the roast potatoes, shovel the mound of 300 uneaten sprouts onto your plate and cause the defining scene for Christmas 2015.

People may gasp. Some may scream. Others could faint. Additionally, there are those would could foul themselves in horror! However, stay true to your virtues and remember that sprouts have feelings too, and every sprout must fulfil its destiny at dinner tables across the world. In other words – eat the things. They’re good for you. Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!

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