Tea Week: Yogi Tea Does For Tea What Yogi Bear Did For Bears

Yogi Tea
The brutal attack on your senses which is Yogi Tea.

Some teas are healthier than others. Some teas are so full on with their health properties, you’ll actively feel healthier drinking them. Yogi Tea is one such example. Do note, this tea isn’t to be confused with Yogi Bear. This is an entirely different entity who, with his compadre Boo-Boo, is only interested in honey and doesn’t like tea. Git.

Whilst it may have subsequently emerged Yogi Bear is a deranged psychopath and Boo-Boo has severe gout (we read this in the UK’s favourite tabloid – The Daily Stupid), the same can’t be said for the exquisitely savage tea from Yogi. This stuff will put hair on your eyebrows, make no mistake, and the potent flavours on offer are pretty full on. You thought coffee was strong? Brace yourself… for tea!

Yogi Tea Detox

Yogi teabag
This is not a teabag.

Our favourite from their range is Classic. This was formerly known as Detox. Regardless of the name, it’s the same tea. Behold in terror this list of ingredients: Cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, cloves, black pepper, and cinnamon oil. This may sound like not too much, but this is one pungent devil which is set to detox you for life!

What the hell is a detox, anyway? One has this image in one’s mind of all the world’s vileness flooding out of your mind, soul, and body as one indulges in nibbling at carrots, drinking smoothies, and sipping at tea. In reality, if you’re chemically overloaded (if you’ve been hanging around nuclear waste, for instance) you’re going to stay radioactive. No amount of tea will change that.

Yogi Tea Detox does, at least, give one an almighty health kick. We’re sure if you’ve got the sniffles this son of a gun will have you feeling better in no time. It also comes in a lovely box, and each teabag is in a paper sachet. The teabag, incidentally, has a little Buddhist message to you. For instance, the one we picked up just now says: “Say it straight, simple and with a smile.” No, we bloody well will not! Mind your business, Yogi Bear!

Get Ayurvedic or Don’t Get Ayurvedic

India tea
Note the green stuff – that is tea.

Yogi Tea keep going on about Ayurveda. This has something to do with medicine in ancient India – tea and other herbs were used to support health then. They’re also used to support health now. Isn’t it awesome this self-sustaining planet of ours, eh? Too bad we’ve effing destroying the bugger.

You don’t have to go all the way to India for a cup of Yogi tea or a slice of ancient medical advice, of course. You can go to your local shop and buy this stuff, or get it online like a lazy SOB. As for the deranged medical advice, you can always get in contact with Professional Moron! We’re trained in the art of 17th century trepanning and exsanguination and believe the only thing we can’t cure is rampant haemorrhaging. Which is, of course, somewhat contradictory.

5 comments

  1. Okay, as I am “smarter than the average tea”, and have been in Detox, I must insist that radishes are the next big thing in picnic baskets. ⭐

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