Exclusive Invention: Miso Soap (much better than miso soup)

Miso soap
Goddamn, that looks tasty!

In the past, we’ve postulated about miso soup’s narcissism, but today we’ve realised miso soup could be turned into something much more beneficial. Firstly, however, let us turn to help the initiated cretins who may be reading this going: “Duuuhhhh… what’s miso soap, Professional Moron?” Well, cretins, it’s soup which is called “miso”. There you go.

What truly defines genius is the ability to be able to consistently deliver unimaginable brilliance, even if this is moronic brilliance. Indeed, our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, is a moronic genius. It’s thanks to this ability he was able to invent miso soap, which takes the best of miso and soap in order to merge together a cleaning product and snack all-in-one!

Miso Soap

Soap itself is generally used to scrub over one’s body in an attempt to remove putrid human smell. People who don’t use soap are generally referred to as “smelly” and are ostracised from society due to their general putrescence. Use soap and you are, essentially, a fully functioning human being. Without it, you wither away into sub-human scum.

Miso soup isn’t quite the same. You simply consume it. However, when one turns it into a soap it gains almighty new powers, such as the ability to become a soup and soap all-in-one (even if, as a soup, it resembles more of a sturdy thing – soup is normally considered somewhat liquid based).

To make miso soap, we simply take cooked miso soup and add it to melted down soap. To melt down soap, all one needs is soap and a flamethrower. Flame throw the soap in a, for instance, plastic tub, and you get a pretty good concoction going. You can then add this with the miso into a pan and stir liberally.

After this, stick the mix into the freezer. Let it set overnight and there you go – voila! Miso soap. It’s central purpose is soap as, once one tries to eat it, you’ll mainly be projectile vomiting for several minutes afterwards. This would not be a fun way to spend your Christmas.

“Is it a Good Hors D’oeuvre?”

We think we know what you mean – miso soap is whatever you want it to be: a horse’s duvet, soap, soup, something to throw at working class scumbags, or an efficient way to ensure you lose a significant amount of weight.

Ultimately, it is a foodstuff… just one you don’t to eat. So, we guess it’s a bath product… just one you’ll consider as inferior to your proper bath stuff (like bubble bath lotion). Indeed – is there any purpose to miso soap at all?

Yes – it is an invention. Better than this – it is a Professional Moron invention! Whenever moronic genius is at work, you sit up and pay attention. So, all of you, send us cheques for $1,000 and we’ll all have a much happier Christmas. Thanks, y’all!

2 comments

  1. If I ate some Miso Soap while I was showering….. you know…. saving time by showering and eating breakfast all at once, would I blow bubbles later? You know when….?

    • I got my lawyer to draft up a response. Please refer to this statement: “Miso soap is an enjoyable and salubrious product which may, or may not, be used as a foodstuff or bathing device. Consumers use at their own risk.” I hope this clears everything up!

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