Breaking News: Taramasalata to be Renamed “Tarama-Sinatra”

Taramasalata renamed by Sinatra
Okay, we know this isn’t taramasalata but we couldn’t get any copyright free images of that. So this will do!

In unprecedented news, the Sinatra family has made legal steps to have popular dip taramasalata renamed “tarama-Sinatra” in honour of the legendary crooner Frank Sinatra. Whilst the family hasn’t announced why this dip-based appropriation has been deemed essential, a source close to the family disclosed to Professional Moron: “They’re batshit crazy.” Allegedly, we must add.

The International Taramasalata Association (ITA) erupted with outrage and thousands of dip enthusiasts across the world took to the streets to smash up the place in protest. Many of the latter wielded banners which bore the legend: “I Did It My Way, Not I Did My Pita Bread Way!”. At the time of writing, there have been hundreds of arrests.

Taramasalata

The ITA acted quickly to condemn any attempts to rename a “cultural relic”. ITA spokesperson and dip fan, John Johnson, appeared before the world’s press this morning to issue this statement:

“I stand before you today as a man who is disgusted not by one brand’s particularly inept production process for taramasalata, but as a man who is disgusted by the potential actions of the potential renaming of this potentially disrupted product. I say to the Sinatra family this – do you have no shame? Do you have no scruples? Do you want to burn in the fires of Hell!? Leave taramasalata be or, by Jove, poor quality mayonnaise will curse your existence forever more!”

The Queen of England, a notorious anti-taramasalata bigot, appeared on British television in an attempt to counter John Johnson’s “rambling”. On her Twitter account, the Queen posted a selfie of herself pulling a dissatisfied face next to some taramasalata – this amounted to the picture going viral and it has 300,000 retweets. Her public announcement went as follows:

“My fellow Brits, ask not what your condiment or dip can do for you, ask what you can do for your condiments or dips! Do you think, during the Second World War, when Hitler invaded Poland the Brits rioted? Of course not, we simply declared all out war! Stop being so bloody precious and, for the record, taramasalata is disgusting and eaten only by subhuman scum. Ketchup - there's a British dip!

Sinatra

Whilst it’s unclear if, during his lifetime, Frank Sinatra had a fondness for taramasalata, it is known he did eat food. It is believed this tenuous link is what spurred his family to take control of the dip industry’s fortunes and further the singer’s legendary status.

Whilst we await an official announcement, production shots have indicated there will be a new range of Frank Sinatra themed tarama-Sinatra products, such as a repurposing and re-release of “The Way You Look at Taramasalata” into the music scene along with the Sinatra family’s new range of the dip (which our source called “extra pink” and a “tragedy for the taramasalata industry”).

The world is reeling from the news tonight and, should the plans go ahead, it will bring about a cessation of one of the most beloved dips in human history. Taramasalata aficionados have declared they will boycott the dip in favour of “pop tarts, or something” and food experts generally believe the Sinatra legend will be damaged, as opposed to supported, by this shift. More news to follow.

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