June 15, 2020Mr. Wapojif

Exclusive Recipe: Olive Oil Soup (now with extra olives)

Olive oil being poured into a glass cup
Ready to slurp that on down?

It’s of our opinion that olive oil soup would be incredible. Everyone loves the stuff, right? You get it in almost every food you eat—such as olives in a jar.

So, why not liquidise it? Exactly! And this is the result. A bowl of deliciousness that you’ll gulp down and then wonder why you’ve gained so much weight.

Making Olive Oil Soup

The stuff can be quite expensive, so we recommend getting the stuff in bulk and storing it in a giant container.

We came across premium extra virgin olive oil at £35 for five litres from a company called Liokarpi.

Snap up several of those pronto, that’s a really good price. Trust us, this soup is so slimy and delicious you’ll render yourself homeless pretty quickly living off it.

So, once you have the oil, it’s time to turn this into a soup. You can do this in two ways:

  1. Simply pour the stuff into a bowl until you’re happy with the serving.
  2. Boil the stuff on maximum heat until it’s bubbling wildly and spitting searing hot oil out at arbitrary angles.

By which we mean, you can serve it hot or cold. Your choice. But the hot option tends to leave your throat and windpipe suffering severe burns.

Either way, though, this is one delicious soup that has an overriding taste of olives.

Is Olive Oil Soup Healthy?

No, not really. The oil is high in calories, so if you’re gulping down half a litre of the stuff in one sitting that’s going to lead to some issues.

A soup diet is a popular dieting decision, for example, due to the reduced calories.

However, olive oil soup does the exact opposite. So, if you’re looking to gain weight and die early this is a really terrific option for you.

I’m Poor—Can I Afford This Soup?

No, you can’t, you pathetic working class scumbag. For a start, if you’re poor you should work harder!

Or if you’re determined to be lazy, stick to a cheaper soup. Such as tomato. Or just eat baked beans. Or Marmite. Or all three from a bucket.

Furthermore, if you are poor then please alight from this blog. Professional Moron is only for superior rich people who can afford to dine only on olive oil soup 24/7, 365.

Can’t I Just Eat Olive Oil in Moderation?

LOL! What era do you think you’re living in, fool?! This is the era of capitalist excess—moderation is for losers and failures.

So, no, you can’t just have a small spoonful of olive oil every now and then.

Right now, we’re pushing for a bill to pass with the Tory government to ensure olive oil soup is a mandatory meal for all persons in the UK.

The Olive Oil Soup Enforcement Act 2020 (not as brutal as it sounds, no guns will be involved—just argy-bargy from coppers) will violently enforce our latest recipe.

Anyone who refuses to eat olive oil soup (for example, if they find it a bit “sickly”) will be jailed for 30 years.

Product Availability

Due to coronavirus, we haven’t been able to mass produce the product yet for supermarket shelves. Which is disappointing.

However, we will be selling it from buckets outside the Professional Moron office here in Manchester of England.

We expect high volumes, so get in touch early with your order—you can arrive via car and we’ll scoop the soup into another bucket.

That bucket will then be thrown over to your car, whereupon you must catch the bucket.

Please note, if you drop the bucket of olive oil soup and/or it smashes into your and slops out onto the floor, you’re not legally viable for a refund.

25 comments

  4. This is ridiculous!
    Are you just trying to prime us up for a Marmite soup recipe?
    Okay, if you already have one, I’d say add a bit of olive oil to make it palatable!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

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