At “Happy” Hank’s Holidays & Halitosis Ltd. we take bad breath seriously. With summer on the way, we want YOU to have THE best summer holiday. EVER!
In fact, we’ve teamed up with Horrible Harry’s Horrendous Holiday Hotspots to deliver the worst smelling trips in the world!
Whether you want to spend time on a fetid beach, or want to scale some malodorous mountains, pick a halitosis holiday to make memories that stink for a lifetime!
Halitosis Holidays: Where Stench & Suntans Are NEVER Far Away!
Do you want to know the secret to “Happy” Hank’s Holidays & Halitosis Ltd’s success? Garlic. Lots and lots of garlic.
Journey into one of our many branches and you’ll be greeted at the door with a smile and a gust of garlic breath that’ll stop you in your paces!
While you’re still stunned and recovering, we’ll foist holiday opportunities upon you from other garlic breath sporting employees!
You’ll be so overwhelmed by the stench you’ll pick the first holiday you can ASAP and sign the deal. Anything to get you out of there as quickly as possible!
But it doesn’t stop there!
Every holiday destination we’ll send to you has a BAD BREATH HOLIDAY guarantee! We only ever send you to destinations and resorts with:
- A similar garlic policy to ours.
- Criminally low wages, leaving staff too poor to brush their teeth.
- Longstanding and notorious records of halitosis.
- Liberal policies regarding eating raw onions and leaving tins of tuna open in the baking sun.
- Regions where mouthwash is outlawed.
Rest assured, there’s NO ESCAPE from putrescence during one of our holidays!
Indeed, you’ll be inclined to consider “happy holidays” as “halitosis holidays” in the future! That’s our promise!
The Holiday “Happiness” Guarantee!
Hank is so HAPPY he suffers from manic depression! He defines his crazed bouts of “happiness” as follows:
- Misery (NOT the 1990 psychological horror film Misery)
- General ennui
This was the message from our CEO, Hank, in March 2022 to our tourism happy customers gearing up for the summer:
“I’m depressed so I want to bring you all down with me! Wallow in misery, you pathetic wastrels! I don’t care what happens to you! In fact, I hope you all get savaged by mosquitoes, wild lions, and antelopes throughout your holidays! See if I care!”
Our director, Dave, moved quickly to divert attention from the above controversial statement with his own statement:
“‘Happy’ Hank’s Holidays & Halitosis Ltd. wishes to apologise for the statement issued by our CEO. Hank was suffering from a serious bout of depression at the time. He is, in fact, thrilled ahead of the summer holiday season and wishes to inform everyone that, even if your plane goes down in a hellish ball of flames and you die horribly, your family will receive some compensation. That’s the ‘Happy’ Hank’s Holidays & Halitosis Ltd. promise! ‘Happy’ holidays!”
Book your holidays today! Whether it’s Bermuda, Miami, or Skegness, we’ll ensure there’s bad breath wherever you go!